Cecilia Who?

One year ago today

2011-02-18T13:39:00.000-08:00

One year ago on this exact date, the most emotional time of my entire life ended with a verdict. A Verdict of life without parole + 100 years to be served consecutively.

For those of you who are familiar with the legal system, or hell, those of you who aren't, you realize that is a long time.  A lifetime with a lifetime to follow.

What does that have to do with me, you ask? I was a victim- NO. I am a survivor. Close to 2 years prior to that verdict a man broke into my home while I was sleeping and attacked me. By the grace of God I was able to fight. But there were other victims, one of which was not so fortunate. In the end this evil man was convicted of burglary, terroristic threats, kidnapping and rape. He was given the maximum sentence for each one of them. I will forever remember the experience of going through a week of trial, testimonies, pictures, seeing the criminal 20 feet from me, completely unremorseful. I will never forget hearing the other victim's stories and feeling like someone understands me. I can still feel their palms in mine as I sat between them while we heard one testimony after another presented to a jury. We prayed and hoped they would know that this was a bad man. I can still hear the impact statements of my fellow victims "I can't walk outside alone in the dark." "I am paralyzed with fear each time my dog barks unexpectedly." I have never felt such intense emotions as when I saw the victim of rape look into the eyes of her attacker and break down in tears. I will always remember the support her husband had for her as he sat in the courtroom with white knuckles from his fists clenched while his wife recanted her story. I still hear the DA telling the jury in his closing statement- "We tell our children stories about monsters in jest, but this man- he...he, is who we warn our children about." I saw evil and I survived. I look back today, on my birthday and I think of the strength that was in the room on that day with me. Two of the strongest women I will ever meet. I can still close my eyes and feel the circle of love that we have between us when we heard the jury announce their decision.  I turned to one of the girls and she was looking directly in my eyes. "It is done she said, he will never hurt anyone again."

Happy, happy birthday to me. Justice- what a gift.

2010-10-20T12:31:00.000-07:00

Why does the "weight loss" industry insist on spending money on pills that could hurt our heart or drinks that taste like feet? If they would shift their focus to things such as "taste bud" research i think it would go alot farther.

To explain my hypothesis: if we research which taste buds make you like whipped cream and chocolate covered cherries and replace them with ones that love spinich and apples then we would all be thinner. No Jenny Craig, no "kirstie Alley's big life" reality series. Just a much healthier society. Why can't america get it throught their skulls? we are unhealthy because we a fat. Fat clogs arteries, fat puts more pressure on your muscles, fat makes every organ in your body work harder. And listen, I am preaching to myself because, like 98.9% of America I could stand to lose a few, but I know why. I need to love sugar free yogurt and whole wheat pasta. But, if you could fix my taste buds, i would never have to worry about it. If when I took a bit of peppermint ice cream drizzled with chocolate gnocce and it tasted like bad milk I'd probably stay away.

It would be an elective procedure, much like lasik surgery, and would pose few risks, minus the harming of your mother's feelings when you no longer love her famous pinapple cake. Sign me up, doc! I'd be first in line!

2010-08-13T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have been picking on my friend, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com, about being a baby lover ever since her niece was born. This woman was a cold hearted diva when it came to younguns like a week ago. Now it is total mother goose mode. I absolutely love to see this shift in her. It is like she got to the Wizard of Oz, clicked her heels and got her baby love. Its presh, absolutely presh. Now me, I’m a self proclaimed baby lover. I love a baby. I want to hold a baby, I want to smell a freshly Johnson and Johnson powdered baby, I want to rock a baby, I want to kiss baby cheeks and make babies laugh. The funny thing is you just don’t have any idea how much you love a baby until you have one in your family. Unless it has a dirty diaper that stinks up the place. That’s when reality kicks in and I’m happy that it’s their baby.

Three cheers to my friend, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com and her newfound love for the bambinos in this world. May you be there for all of the important moments in your new love’s life. May you always know the right words to say to make her happy and all the ones to say when she’s sad.

Babies are Angels that fly to the earth,

their wings disappear at the time of their birth

one look in their eyes and we're never the same

They're part of us now and that part has a name

That part is your heart and a bond that won't sever

our Babies are Angels, we love them forever.

~Unknown~

2010-08-13T10:45:00.000-07:00

Lohan

2010-07-09T17:31:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I know too many precious girls named Lindsay and I hate that they have to share their name with this hollywood "star" so I am going to refer to her as Lohan, which is fitting considering she gets that name from her dearly beloved upstanding citizen of a padre.

In case you aren't familiar let me give you the skinny, no pun intended considering her third world looking bod. So- sister acts a fool, becomes a lesbian, gets wasted face constantly and then gets into a whole bunch of wrecks, gets a couple DUI's and has to wear an alcohol detecting ankle bracelet to make sure she isn't drinking herself into one of her usual ridiculous escapades. So Girlfriend decides that she, in all of her fabulousness, need not attend her scheduled court date to talk about her skipping out on her alocohol and drug abuse classes. She claims she was at a movie premeire in London and someone stole her passport. Um, as the card game says, "bullsh*t." Lady- we all know you weren't at a movie premeire, you haven't had a starring role since the parent trap. Get it together ginger- you're life is in the toilet and your headed to the slammer. I'm sure the "F*$> U" you painted on your fingernail to celebrate the occasion of showing up for the judge didn't help your case. A Real class act you are, Lohan. Enjoy your 90 days in jail and your inpatient rehab. Chin up Low, it might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.

the fourth of July

2010-07-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

"Happy Birthday, America" as my 3 year old cousin has been saying.

Interpretation

2010-04-02T12:22:00.001-07:00

Val pal just sent me a text message that simply read "I want vodka for dinner."
Show of hands for those thinking she is having a rough one (hand raised.)

Livin it up cottage style

2010-04-02T08:53:00.000-07:00

Val Pal and I live in a quaint little cottage and love every minute of it. But we find ourselves deleting the word "home" from our everyday vocab. It is actually quite humorous. "What are you doing tonight?" someone asks me. "Hanging out at the cottage, maybe doing some laundry." Sounds a lot better than "nothing- staying at home by myself and washing clothes." But today I found myself saying the phrase "clean cottage" as opposed to "clean house" I felt slightly like Snow White sans Prince Charming and the 7 dwarfs. All we have is a giant mastiff who lives in the main house who makes himself at home in our living area. Cottage living is great- the bills are low, the lighting is good and it seems like vacation all the time. Funny how just one word makes our living situation seem so much more glamourous. I bet J-Lo refers to her second home as her cottage all while drinking Perrier in her louboutins.

The meaning of life?

2010-03-25T13:18:00.000-07:00

Today I saw a friend that is recovering from pink eye. Bless his heart he has been miserable and on top of it all in isolation to keep from spreading it around. After is saw him and gave him my best 'get well' salutation he said something that made me think. He said that the worst part about it was being quarintined. He hated not being surrounded by people, but maybe this was God's way of telling him to slow down and "be still and know that I am the Lord." to which my response was "or maybe you just have pink eye." do we really "philosophize" everything in that way? Is the rationalization of eveything bad that happens in our life neccisary? I began thinking back to other situations in life where this is the underlying message. For example, if you break up with your significant other someone will tell you that you "learned something" from this relationship. Im not sure about you guys, but I don't know if I beleive that. Heartbreak straight up sucks ass. And I can pretty much tell you that the music knowledge that I acquired from this particular "love of my life" was not worth feeling like my most vital organ was being ripped from my chest. Not quite sure what the message was there. I am definately a Christian woman and I beleive in God and His will to be done, but I also beleive that we are human and this this life and this earth is flawed. Please tell me what the message was during hurricane Katrina? All of those lost and devastated lives, to never return to what they knew before. The earthquakes in Haiti? Completely flooring and shaking the very core of one of the poorest nations in the world. Why do these things happen? Because WE make mistakes, because our planet has natural disasters. God is the perfect Being. He knows the way and the truth, but it is our feet that WE must train to walk along the right path towards Him and learn to accept that sometimes there are setbacks and bumps that turn up and it is our responsibility to conquer them. I suppose everyone bears their hardships differently, some folks rationalize. Some find life lessons. Personally, I think sometimes life just sucks, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the Big Guy is on your side watching your back and you'll get through it together.

Eat more chicken

2010-03-22T13:34:00.000-07:00

I once convinced my entire sorority that Chik-Fil-A ice cream was fat free. I wasn't trying to pull a 'mean girls' moment, i promise. I simply wanted to go get a sweet treat and one of my friends refused to go because it was so fattening. I simply told her with a big goofy smirk on my face, assuming that she would catch the sarcasm, that this ice cream was guilt free and fat free. Well- that girl could talk. The Chik-Fil-A should have given me free ice cream for life because I am pretty sure that our chapter bought it by the gallon after that. I finally told the poor girl that I was kidding and she spread the news around. But I tell ya, for a while there ADPI was officially chik-fil-a ice cream's biggest fan.

Dr. Q

2010-03-16T13:42:00.000-07:00

I recently had a friend say that as a 27 year old man he would pick, out of any celebrity out there, to go out with Jane Seymour.
Bro, did you just say you wanted to take out Dr. Quinn? She was cool back when Blossom was cool and straw hats with sunflowers hot glued to them. She is like 7 years older than my mom. I mean its cool, I am sure that she would totally appreciate the automatic cougar status and the opportunity to attend your fraternity's annual beer pong tourney, but I am pretty sure monday-friday she will be tending to her organic garden and attending her children's college graduation.
Don't get me wrong... two snaps up for not picking Hannah Montana or Hillary Duff, although I think they are both approaching legality. Plus, I would give up chocolate for life if it meant looking like Dr. Quinn at her current age. But hons, no one really thinks Aston and Demi are that cute especially now that her daughter in turning into one smokin hot babe that he should be courting.
With that being said, I have to make a confession- Richard Gere is beautiful. Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow. Go head', time to bust my balls...
once again... just keeping it real,
Cbass

The friendship code

2010-03-12T08:59:00.000-08:00

I am not saying that I am popular or that a lot of people like me, but the friends that I have and I trust are great friends. We don't have a contract that we sign and we don't talk about these things explicitly, but this is why I let loose around these girls.
We tell eachother what's up. If I have something in my teeth- tell me. If my skirt is too tight- tell me. If my ass is getting fat and I need to hit up the gym- tell me.
DO NOT under any circumstances tell me "as a friend" that you can do something for me to make me "like" you or "trust" you. If you cannot do something for me or not sure that you can, then be HONEST. It is not that difficult and I will respect you for it.
RESPECT. That is what this is all about. The women that I call my friends, I look up to them, they make me better people. They watch my back, they take care of me. They do what they can for me, even if it means going above and beyond. Sometimes, just sometimes, you can't do those things. Tell me why- explain it to me. Don't just not follow through with whatever the promise is and not tell me. If your boss is pressuring you, or your mom is sick, or you are sick, or your dog is sick or your hamster died. I get it. I am a very sypathetic person- perhaps more than I should be sometimes. But- I get it. Don't feed me rotton bologna. Just tell me the TRUTH. There is that word again... Some people may call me brutally honest... go ahead, if I can dish it I have got to be able to take it. Hell, most of the time it stings coming back to me. But- when it comes from my girls its ok. Because I know that they have my best interest at heart.
just keepin it real,
Cbass.

Maybe I sort of get it... What a wise man!

2010-03-11T11:24:00.000-08:00

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln

Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln

When I am getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
Abraham Lincoln

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.
Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
Abraham Lincoln

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
Abraham Lincoln

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
Abraham Lincoln

With Malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds.
Abraham Lincoln

With public sentiment, nothing can fail. Without it, nothing can succeed.
Abraham Lincoln

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
Abraham Lincoln

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.
Abraham Lincoln

You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.
Abraham Lincoln

If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.
Abraham Lincoln

Bix
"I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the
Adjutant General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons
who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless
must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the
grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you
the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to
save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your
bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and
lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice
upon the altar of Freedom."
Abraham Lincoln
Source: November 21, 1864 - Letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby

2010-03-11T10:59:00.000-08:00

I told this story to a friend the other day and his response was "you must blog about this" so here goes..
My Daddy is a very unique individual. I love him with all of my heart, but sometimes he marches to a beat of a different drummer (guess that's where I get it...) He is a very thoughtful man and would literally give the shirt off of his back for someone, I've actually seen him do it. But sometimes he does things that baffle me.
Let me set the tone, this is circa 1994, Christmas day and I am 11 years old. I have been tearing through presents at record speed and having the best time. My grandparents have given me the most amazing presents and my aunts have outdone themselves. Although my presents were most impressive I have been eyeing the HUGE present in the corner since I came be-bopping to the Tree way to early to open anything. My Dad had made a huge fuss about this present and how much I would like it. For goodness sake, the thing wasn't even wrapped, it just had a blanket thrown over it. It had to be the be all and end all of all presents. Well, after I patiently wait for everyone to open up all of their presents I look at my Dad with puppy dog eyes and ask him if I can PLEASE open my present now. He does the whole "ready...set...go...wait...stop..." Dad thing until I am starting to pout. "Ok Cecilia- go get it!" I anxiously pull off the blanket like Ralphie opening up his Red Rider and the most confusing thing happens. Once the present is uncovered and my Dad is jumping on one foot waiting for my reaction I look at him puzzled. In my hand, almost larger than I can pick up, was a GIANT picture of Abraham Lincoln framed and matted. Even as a little kid I knew this was a nice, expensive picture. But I was 11, and it was a picture of Abraham Lincoln. My whole family turned to my Dad in sheer amazement and wondered what he was thinking... "I just noted that I figured it was a bike, thanked him and went on with my business." I guess my Dad and I don't share the same love for this instrumental founding father, but he better look out... He might just get a framed picture of Martha Washington for Father's Day.

2010-03-11T10:39:00.000-08:00

So I set down to jacksonville, FL a couple of weekends ago and it was exactly what I needed. My friend Jacque lives there, as I have mentioned before, and is the reason that the town is now forever deemed "Jacqueville." So I took off down there on a friday afternoon and spent the weekend with her and her dog. Oh, and my Gigi rode along as well. This was the first time that these puppies have seen eachother in a year and a half and they spent the first three of their puppy lives together- everyday!  So needless to say, both my pup and I were estatic to make this journey.
So on my way down I called Jacque to let her know that I would expect a cocktail ready upon my arrival and I would also be starving to death.  Being Catholic I reminded her that although I was starving I couldn't have anything with meat since it was a Friday during the Lenten season. She stops for a second and blurts out "Oh...is it still passover?" I knew from then that this was going to be the "getaway" that I really needed.  Then she says to me "I bought 6 bottles of wine, 5 of them the man at the store told me were delicious and full-bodied and the last one had a giraffe on it, and like giraffes so I bought it; but I still don't know what I want to drink."
So I finally trail into her house close to 11pm. We start talking and ooh-ing and aww-ing at our dogs reuinting that we forget all about eating.   Finally when I hear the deafening roar of my belly I remind her of my starvation. By this time we were well into the 1 pm hour and my meat fast had passed so she went into her fridge and began rooting around. "Well." she says with her head and shoulders still in the refridgerator. "I have some pizzas and some eggrolls. Shoot- I got some bacon if you want to go all out." I laughed until I cried.
I spent the next two days with Jacque and I felt like I was home again. We had lived together until about a year and half ago when she ran off and got married and moved away. Now her husband is delpoyed and while being with her I began to remember all of the wonderful things that I miss so much from living with her. One of my favorite memories of jacque is that after a long hard work day that happened to fall on my birthday I came home to the most ghetto birthday decoration scheme ever. There were streamers on the doors held on with duct tape (this girl hearts some duct tape) there were streamers surrounding my toilet so I had to cut them off to use it. Even in true jacque style there were fake roaches scattered throughout. When I took it all in and heard her shouting "surprise" I looked above her head to see lettering thumbtacked to our far wall. I looked over her, cocked my head and said "Happy New Year?" Jacque turned around and read the sign she had bought for my birthday. "OH MY GAH! I didn't even notice!" The girl had bought a happy new year sign to hang up for my birthday! What a mess! We took tequila shots and laughed about it all night.
This trip solidified all of these memories and help me to create even more that I can't wait to share. Like tapping me on the shoulder in the morning with a bottle of champagne and a bottle of OJ and simply saying "wake up bitch."Later that day we took our doggies to the beach and let them run around while we drank mimosas out of a nalgene bottle. It was my pup's first trip to the sand and shore and she totally loved it. Her prissy self took to the beach like a fish to water. She ran around nipping at jackson's heels and sniffing at seashells. She even made some new friends that were walking with their masters. It was so fun to be able to let her run free and see her enjoy a new experience (btw-I'm gonna be ridiculous if I ever have kids if I'm this excited about my dog.) We let them run all of their energy out and decided it was time for some grub.  We took them home to rest and went to some seashore hole in the wall and ate our weight in crablegs- it was heavenly. While walking up to this resaturant I noticed quite a bit of riff-raff, if you will, hanging around. I mentioned this to my dear friend to which her response was "Jacksonville"she said. "Jacqueville" I corrected her. "Oh sorry, Jacqueville would be the ideal place to be homeless." I looked up from the crab claw I was struggling with, looked her in the eye and said "please do elaborate Miss Thang." "Well, think about it, the weather is mild, there are public restrooms and showers everywhere. Plus, stupid drunk tourists come down here and go play in the water leaving all their stuff behind on the beach. A homeless person and their dog (because of course the homeless man in her mind has a pooch) could totally rack up. Ipods, phones, money...shoot it's like a treasure chest out there." Sadly I found myself shaking my head thinking that this diluted thought process, which she had apparently thought about a lot could actually be true. As we went to leave I couldn't help but think perhaps she was right. There were a group of what I am assuming are homeless men, they were dressed in tattered clothes hanging out around a little fire with a single man playing guitar, and I thought maybe she is onto something.
I look over at jacque and she is looking at the same group of men. I wonder what she is thinking for a split second when she goes "he must play a pretty mean guitar for all those folks to be buzzing round'" "Really Jacque, guitar? How would you spell that?" "GET-ARE" and just when I thought she was being serious...

to be continued....

A real class act..

2010-03-11T07:42:00.001-08:00

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/cops-woman-crashes-car-shaving-privates/story?id=10065885

Another installment of things that make me smile/laugh/giggle

2010-03-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

back to my things that make me smile/laugh/giggle

Anthony from Project Runway. Seriously...I heart him. Maybe even kidney him.
some quotes: (surely more to come)
"The only thing that doesn't go out of style is making a woman look like a lady"
"I was so nervous I was sweating like a baptist preacher"

Granny in a wood paneled PT cruiser.
Me talking ghetto after teaching in an inner city school for more than a week. It's a problem when I start saying "What-eer" and "I need to get my haar did"
My student told me he wanted to be a skeleton and his friend wanted to be a giraffe when they grew up.
It was an uncomfortable moment this week when a third grader told me he thought I was hot- inappropriate.
The fact that someone that I know got engaged at a public event (set up for a massive fundraising yard sale) in front of the dumpster. It was really sweet in some aspects, it was March fourth and he wanted to "March forth" in their life journey and the ring was beautiful, but as for me... sporting events (or billboards at them), anywhere close to a trash recepticle, or recycling bin for that matter, and generally anywhere that I might look like crap. Give a girl some warning- ask me when my hair is straightened and my eyeliner is in tact. I would like the pictures and the story to be something to brag about. Perhaps just under a waterfall in hawaii or on the top of the empire state building/eiffel tower, nothing fancy. But im not picky. ;)
peace and blessings,
C

2010-02-26T14:00:00.000-08:00

I know...I know...I'm a bad blogger... where is the newspaper so I can pop myself on the nose?
A lot has been going on in my world, I've been a bit tied up, so to speak. BUT...I am back..
So today's post is nothing special, but I have been keeping a running tally lately (in my iphone notes that I just figured out how to use) of the things that make giggle/smile.
1. the term wasted face. Example: "Man, maybe we should take her margarita away, because that girl is wasted face."
2. I am a grown woman with a Kool Aid smile.
3. I actually enjoy watching the hunting/fishing channel. (what a dork!)
4. Overalls on grown folks.
5. My priest calling me today and leaving me a message saying "thanks for being you."
6. How philosophical two glasses of red wine makes me and my friend.
7. I burned my middle and pointer fingers right at the joints and it hurts to bend them so when I am driving I keep them straight and it looks like I am flipping everyone a peace sign. Everytime I look at them it makes me think of Alanis Morrisette. " I got one hand in my pocket and the other one is flipping a peace sign..."
8. my dog wearing her snuggie.
9. flowers for my birthday. Thanks CP!
10. my friends kidnapping me for my birthday and dancing on the sidewalk to the "mixed tape" they made me of all of my favorite songs.
11. sno-cones on a warm sunny day
12. girl scout cookies.
13. My Godson finally talking a little bit and calling me "C-Ya-Ya"

gotta love em'

2010-02-09T15:54:00.000-08:00

The men in my family make me laugh.

I was talking to my Daddy today and was explaining to him that I have been "therapy eating" because I have a lot going on and a blizzard makes me feel better. He laughed and said "yeah I've packed on a few myself. Maybe after next week when everything settles down we can have a little weight loss competition, we can call it the biggest loser in the family." Then there was silence from both of us. "Perhaps we will rethink the name".

I got home from an exausting day and plopped myself down on Papa's bed while he is chillaxing in his recliner. We watched the HGTV home renovation program with an occasional flip back to cash cab and a payless shoes commercial came on. He looked and me and said "what in the heck's BOGO?" "Buy one get one" I said without turning my head. "Well, I'll be darned. So when they have commercials for BOGO greens fees that means..?" "Yep." I said. "Huh" he muttered and adjusted his golf cap.

My Uncle Jim has a little boat called "shallow minded" and when he "hits it big" he plans on getting a large boat and calling it "deep thinker."

2010-02-08T08:11:00.003-08:00

So last night I woke up in the wee hours and had one thing on my mind,
"bitches be bookin." Really? I thought, is it really necessary that
I come up with a book club name now? Apparently my psyche was
bothered by our friends nameless literary league. So my sleepless
mind got to rolling like a hamster on its wheel. I started with
potential words to inspire me:
literature (literature lovers)
fiction (friends and fiction friday club)
drama (drama reading divas)
literary (the Augusta Literary League)
books (getting looks and reading books)
written word (the written word wizards)
paperback (pimpin' and paperbacks?)
hardback (hardback hotties?)
manuscript (manuscript mamas?)
journalism (journalism junkies?)
storybook (once upon a time there was a bookclub) (sugar and spice and
all that's nice storybook club)

*le Sigh*
looks like "bitches be bookin'" is still the front runner....

2010-02-08T08:11:00.001-08:00

Tell me if I am wrong, but retail therapy helps everything.
For example:
A new bright green raincoat makes an icky rainy day much better!
A cute pair of pink gloves makes scraping ice off your windshield on a bitterly cold day bearable.
A new pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses will make the 110 degree Augusta summer a little more glamorous.
A fabulous new purse makes you not mind toting around the 30 lbs of junk that you just cannot live without.
New makeup makes for a freshfaced new you.
New tootbrush= you smile more (seriously....buy one you really like and try it, consider it a social experiment.)
New shampoo=good hair day.
New shoes....oh new shoes....new shoes cure the blues!

Do I hear a rebuttal?

Champagne Thursday is so fun!!!! ...until friday morning rolls around...

2010-02-05T11:07:00.001-08:00

So my friend and I started drinking around dinner time because we had both had the worst day ever. We then proceeded to have a "revert back to college" night. We had ramen noodles and popcorn for dinner. We called old friends that we hadn't talked to in many moons. We even laughed at our sorority memories and our random roadtrips. We pulled out our memory boxes and looked at old greeting cards and forgotten presents. We literally laughed until we cried. We looked at eachother and had conversations with no words. "I love you more than chocolate and Godiva dipped strawberries, and that's big!" I told my Val Pal. We drank until we were silly all while watching our favorite old trusty go-to when there's nothing on television. Sex and the city, of course! Nothing like a little Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte to relax you after a bad day. We started on episode 1, season 1, so we can rewatch the entire series AGAIN. We had a revelation about satc. They weeded out the mom pants (Charlotte), and the dike look (Miranda's ties), Carrie's incessant chatter to the camera, and the horrible characters (skipper). I am so glad that skippy, as Miranda always called him, was given the axe after the third episode. If I would have had my way him and his Jerry curl would have been killed off well before the end of disk one.

C

2010-02-03T11:20:00.001-08:00

So today I was teaching class and as I was asking the class to tell me their first names and what they want to be when they grow up. I looked down to see the tiniest little boy. He was little and cute and wore glasses. He had on air Jordons with red piping, but they were on the wrong feet. He then proceeded to tell me that his name was Richard but everyone calls him Brandon, naturally. Who wouldn't assume that? Then he told me he wanted to be a cobweb when he 'growed up.' Then he farted. Loudly.
Then as we were watching the instructional video that has a carp as the main character, he looked at me with discust and said in his most serious voice, "fish can't talk." Then he looked away for a second as if he was thinking really hard and turned back to me and said "neither can frogs."

2010-02-01T09:43:00.000-08:00

So my uncle was telling me this story about a girl that he knows that does not ever
use the phrase "that what's she said" appropriately. I for one love this phrase and
reserve the right to use it in any context that I see needs a little extra "wha bam,"
if you will.

So here is an example of what he was talking about. Unc said to her "do you think
that we could use these files for something else or should we just toss them? Her
reply? You guessed it... "that is what she said."

He rolled his eyes and walked off only to overhear his constituent giving a little
lesson on the copier say, "but what I am saying is that you have to move it around
and push a little harder or it won't work. It's a little stubborn." my unc poked his
head in the file room and between laughs said "that's what she said." everyone
laughed of course except Dummy Mcdummerstein. She just sat there baffled by
why this 'bazinga' moment just happened.

So for those of you fools that don't understand this phrase, here's a short tutorial:
"that's what she said" #1 is a contraction. #2 is meant to be used after something
implies a non-direct sexual reference. Does that help?
C

2010-01-29T13:51:00.000-08:00

hello my blog readers! (ok...ok...I'll call a spade a spade)...
Hello my imaginary friends!
I am back safe and sound from LA, tired as I have EVER been in my
entire life, but safe and sound.
And for clarification I mean Hollywood, not Louisiana.
I think I need a good recap from my little excursion. It all began on
a rainy Thursday afternoon at the Augusta Regional Airport. We
boarded our plane on time but then got stuck sitting on the runway for
over an hour waiting for clearance because of weather which really
pissed of the angry soldier sitting beside me. He was a loud yankee
soldier with a chip on his shoulder and some beat up aviators which he
kept taking on and off and in an out of one of his hidden cargo
pockets of his army suit. As if being stuck on a plane with no air,
with a dead ipod, having to pee, stressing I was going to miss my
connector was not bad enough, I had to listen to him dog out the south
and the "podunk" town he was flying out of. He yelled at the
stewardess about his bag being in the aisle, and him having to keep
his seatbelt buckled "I just don't get what the big deal is.." The
nice gentlemen sitting caddycorner to me layed his new york times in
his lap and gently told the man she was only making sure there was an
exit path if there was an emergency. "I don't need no exit path. I'm
in the army, I'll use my elbow to knock out this window." he said
poiting as if the man had no idea where the window was. The new york
times man and I caught eachother's eye and rolled them at eachother at
the same time. "Well y'all" the stewardess said over the loudspeaker
"i'm sorry for the delay, but this is just an act of God, we can't do
anything about it, but I will be coming by with beverages." "Just like
the damn south" the army guy shouted out "everything's is an act of
God" The new york times man wrinkled his paper loudly and I just
looked away out the window and we both breathed heavy sighs. "Beverage
for you?" the stewardess asked the new york times man. "Do you have
mixed drinks?" he asked "OOHH me too!" I said.
So we touched down in Charlotte exactly 20 minutes before my flight
was scheduled to take off. Not board, but take off. Long story short,
I made my coneccting flight by 1 minute, I felt the breeze of the
airplane door closing as I squeezed down the aisle. I nestled myself
in my seat behing a family with five children under six and a teen boy
that reeked of onions. I then proceeded to sit through the worse 6
hours of turbulance ever experienced by mankind. All I can really say
is holy turbulance, batman. I kissed the ground when I landed at LAX.
I then spent the next two days in LA in the rain, BOO! Right after I
got there Matt took me to his favorite restaurany where we ate the
best sushi I have ever had and drank beers I had never tasted. The
next day I visited the Chinese theatre, saw all of the famous
celebrity footprints including Carey Grant and Marilyn Monroe. I
stomped on Jay Leno's star and yelled TEAM CONAN! After that my friend
Matt and I decided perhaps we should do more inside activities since
it was cold and rainy so we went to the wax museum and the ripley's
museum and the guiness book museum. We laughed at all of the
randomness and made fun of the bad renditions of Jim Carey and Jackie
Chan and the impressive Johnny Depp and Samuel L. Jackson. WE drove
down Rodeo drive and ate at In and out burger (shout out to Paris and
Britney...you were right! It is AMAZING!) We then went to Universal
Studios and decided it was too cold to walk around so we went to see
Avatar in 3D/Imax. Um... AMAZING! Seriously, so good. I can't wait
to see it again. I can't think of a more perfect place to see a movie
that is completely changing the industry than in LA. Seriously, think
back to the scene in Singing in the Rain when they are introducing
"talking movies" as opposed to silent films and everyone is amazed.
That is the best example I can give of how much this movie has changed
everything that we know about movies up to this point. It is so
amazing what we can do with technology!
That night we went to Matt's local watering hole and sat and the bar.
We ordered some food and we chatting about how I liked LA. The
conversation went something like this: Matt: "Do you think you could
ever live anywhere except for Augusta?" Me: "Um, I think I could move
out of Augusta, but I don't think the big city is really for me, maybe
somewhere like Charleston." Matt: "Where's Charleston?" Me:"South
Carolina. Next time you come to visit we are going there, it is
amazing, such history!" About that time our food came, but somehow I
ended up without silverware. I leaned over to the folks beside me and
tapped on the shoulder saying "Excuse me, I am so sorry to bother you,
but may I borrow one of these" I asked laying my hand on a silverware
roll-up. The guy in the middle of the group leaned over to me, and
said "You may certainly have it, but you asked way too nicely. You
aren't from here, where are you from." Matt and I laughed and I said
"no, I'm not I'm from Augusta, GA." Now way!" my new friend shouted.
"I'm Chris. I live in Charleston, SC." he said sticking out a hand
for me to shake. Matt and I both watched our jaws hit the table. I
leaned over and closed his mouth like in a looney toons cartoon. "You
would find the one person in the bar from the south." He said. I
laughed and said "Yep, I sure would." So me, matt, my new friend chris
and his two cousins hung out the entire night. We swapped stories and
restaurant suggestions. His cousin told me that one day he would be
wearing the green jacket. I made him sign and coaster and dedicate it
to me. We laughed until we cried, then they bought all of our drinks.
After they left Matt and I gathered our stuff and began our walk home.
He pretty much stared at me until we got to his house when he said
"all of that because you asked him for his silverware." "Yes sir," I
said and smiled.
So the next day we got up and it was actually sunny! Hooray!! We went
and had breakfast and went by the bookstore because I knew I had to
have a page turner to make it through the horrendous flight I was
facing the next day (during which I somehow picked up a vogue
magazine completely written in italian).
Then we spent the next hour driving around
trying to get a good shot of the Hollywood sign. I never did get a
really quality shot, but on the plus side we did see Sylvester Stalone
drive right by us.
After that we headed over Santa Monica which is where the wedding we
were attending was to be held. We walked all around the city, through the
shops where I splurged on a beautiful pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses and
ate at a sweet little outside cafe. We walked down the Santa Monica pier,
which my heel kept getting stuck in every 5 steps so it took us forever to walk
down to the end! Once we finally managed to walk to the end point we sat on
a bench and silently admired the beach and were lulled by the waves
crashing against the supporting beams. The only noise heard from us for the
next 20 minutes was the occasional sigh...
After our relaxing time on the peir we headed back to the bustling
downtown part
of Santa Monica where there are street performers and muscians singing and
dancing. Literally everyone in LA is an aspiring entertainer or
actor...it's insane!
But my favorite one of all was a man with an old school organ grinder
and a monkey,
and for $1 the monkey would shake your hand. Me, being the small
child that I am
at heart, was more excited to shake this little monkey's hand, who btw
was dressed
like a cowboy, than anything else the entire trip!
Matt and I then ventured back to our hotel and we got ready for the wedding
we were attending. The wedding was lovely. The cake, the placecards, the table
setting, the food, the dress, the ceremony... It was all beautiful!
It was a traditional
Jewish ceremony which I was entralled by since I have never attended one.
I loved every minute of my time in California with Matt, but I have have to
admit...Dorothy was really on to something because "there is no place
like home!"

Thought provoking

2010-01-27T12:20:00.001-08:00

I was reading an article about Maya Angelou. In her interview she said something that was so heartbreaking to me that I don't think I can ever forget it. She said that as a seven year old girl growing up in Georgia she experienced a terrible tradgedy, she was raped. She returned home and told her family who turned the criminal into the police. The man spent one night in jail and was released. The next day, after his release the police came to her house and knocked on the door to tell tell both she and her family that he had been killed. After that Maya, a 7 year old girl, was so stunned and upset by the news that she did not speak for years admitting later that this was because she beleived that just her words could kill someone.

2010-01-27T09:10:00.000-08:00

My hairdryer died this morning and my hair looks like i belong in "pretty in pink" seriously...its bad.

realizations I came to this morning:
i hate waking up late, but can't seem to roll my self out of bed early
I need more to go coffee mugs.
I love morning foods/liquids: milk, coffee, OJ, eggs, french toast. mmm...
My dog is the cutest right when I am about to walk out the door. She looks at me with the "please don't leave me mommy, can I come?" look and I have to reach down and pet her one more time.
Mornings are better when you won a tennis match the night before.
I love having painted nails and toes.
Wet hair on a morning in the 30s helps the body require less coffee..
I wish I had seat warmers.
I actually enjoy riding to work in silence.
I am pretty excited about dogsitting these four very random dogs that I am taking care of this week. They have so much personality~ blog/pictures to follow.
I miss my friends sooooo much even though it has only been one weekend since I have seen them.
I want sushi for dinner.
Excessive cursing is very unattractive. I will refrain unless I am stressing something such as my hair looks like sh*t. Seriously, it really does...

2010-01-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

It was getting way too solemn around my office. Everyone was taking eveything way too seriously, I couldnt handle it. So I took my sugar free oreo cookie (my adults inner child cookie... Responsible, yet delicious) crunched it up and stuck it to the front of my chompers. I walked into the conference room and smiled asking my boss and co worker if I had anything in my teeth. We then proceeded to laugh until we almost wet our pants. I then subsequently apologized to my boss for tricking her into hiring a four year old. What can I say... My stomach hurts from laughing and I still have milks favorite cookie stuck between my canines, but everyone in my office is lightened up.

C

2010-01-18T09:52:00.000-08:00

A little catching up for me to do today-
#1- Do Not see the movie Leap Year. Even at the dollar theatre or on
netflix. unless you are really bored or planning a trip to Ireland
and would like to see the landscape. That was all it was good for, even when prefaced with a couples of pitchers of beer with my girls.
#2- fabulous lingerie= a new confident you. I went to a fancy little
lingerie shop in surrey center (shout out to a Soft Touch) and got
fitted for new brazzieres. Listen girls- if you have never been
fitted for lingerie go do it- it will change your life. So my
"undergarment consultant" as i have deemed my new friend, hooked me
up. I ended up with 4 sets, an everyday, a satin pj set and a couple
of boy shorts. These things fit me that like they we were made for
me. Seriously. Another shout out to belgium. Yall know how to fit a
womans body.
#3- the laughing cow light creamy swiss cubes are delicious.
Seriously delicious and they are 5 for 35 (calories). I didn't even
know I liked swiss cheese until I ate these, but spread it on a
triscuit and you've got yourself a guilt free snack.
#4- I am leaving for LA on thursday. I can't wait to see the city,
but mostly my friend Matt. I'll check out whats happening with the
kardashians and report back asap.
love you,
C

2010-01-14T21:00:00.000-08:00

Have you seen Heidi montag recently? She apparently has an
"obsession with plastic surgery" give it up girl... The double d's
and Michael Jackson nose aren't working for ya...

No store sunday

2010-01-13T07:20:00.001-08:00

Let me tell you a lesson I learned this weekend... So, I am a SWF and proud of it. Usually it does not bother me in the slightest; I wash my car alone, I go to the coffeeshop alone, I even browse williams sonoma cookbook section alone. I truly enjoy doing these things by myself, no one tells me to hurry up, or come along, or drags me to the nearest Bass Pro Shop. While I am shopping for whatever my whims may lead me to I don't feel lonely, I feel content. Well....NEVER go grocery shopping on a sunday afternoon...this will all change.

So this past sunday afternoon I went to the grocery store for my grandparents to replace the usual wal-mart trip that Papa hasn't felt up to lately. So me and my mile long grandpa list head to the grocery sto' in my tennis clothes. As soon as I get out of the car I realize this was a bad idea. Every person walking into the store is wearing their sunday best, so now I am the heathen girl who didn't attend sunday service and is there by her lonesome. I hold my head high, grab myself a cart and take off towards produce. Mark my words, from produce through frozen foods I did not see a one person shopping alone. I have never felt more lonely EVER. As I rounded the last of the aisles, Pepto Maxx teetering atop the mound of groceries I have collected for Nana and Papa in the hope that I do not have to return the next week, the feelings come seeping up, a deep lonely sadness. The last straw was when the couple, complete with tie and red peacoat, had a moment of butt slapping eachother in the checkout. "Why?" my heart said, "why haven't I found that?" I shake my head and send those thoughts back to my heart and out of my head. I complete my transaction, push my cart, bum wheel and all, and fill the back of my jeep with the contents. I drive to Nana and Papas and begin unloading; As soon as the last kroger sack hits the kitchen table the tears start. The hot burning questioning tears of lonliness, the kind of tears that I have not had in many many moons. My nana just hugged me and told me that the plan that God has in store for me is not on the same timeline that I see. I heard her, and I know that, but I cannot make my heart listen. So I let the tears flow, I let them flow for me and for anyone else that may feel the same way. I let them flow for hurt and anger and fears that I have. I let the tears heal, I let the tears serve their purpose.
I know this isn't the usual blog that I write, but this is real. This is what lifetime movies are made of my friend, "Lonely girl cries grocery store tears." Watch out ladies- script is on its way. In the meantime I am avoiding the sunday grocery store crowd like the bubonic plague. I am going on friday night with the rest of the single folks buying steaks and beer to grill out with their friends. Forget you church crowd, have fun shopping on no wine sunday.
much love and a few stupid tears,
Ceciliawho.

if you were an animal what kind would you be and why?

2010-01-08T15:13:00.000-08:00

As you well know if you have read any part of this blog (not that I think anyone does but...) you know that I am random. So I had a couple thoughts today. #1- if you were an animal what would you be? #2-I really want to go to the zoo.

I thought of a few for me, but they didn't stick... penguin? nah...I don't like the cold or swimming particularly, and their little house always smells like poo. Flamingo? nope- they are pretty from far away, but then you get up close and they are a horrendous shade of pink, smell kinda fishy and are only as stable as the one leg they have to stand one. Definitely not me. I gave up on myself, but started placing an animal with the characteristics of my friends...
Reb- The Elephant. always in the know, content with life, great memory, always at the front of the zoo, always has the best shows (events) and has a great memory and likes peanuts.
Jack- laughing hyena. Why you ask? because they are eternally happy, have a mischievous spirit, and are cute as they can be. Just the kind of animal you would figure to talk you into shotgunning a beer and going skinny dippin' in the ocean. Plus I can guarantee jack likes this animal because the beginning of the word reminds her of the word hymen.
val- the giraffe. just the kind of animal that would go straight for chanel if it escaped from the zoo. plus she's got all the height in the group.
LA- peacock. She is beautiful and has no idea because she doesn't see what others see, her lovely feathers behind her. She has the most lovely of dimeanors and is one of the only animals allowed to walk amongst the humans in the zoo. And let's face facts, this sista loves to 'shake her tail feather.'
mandi- an otter. It is tiny and friendly and entertaining and has no natural predators. It has a fun interactive show that everyone stops by to watch...(aka thetightropewalk.blogspot.com)
jennB- a parrot. a chatty little bird that makes friends easily, and can keep ya entertained for hours on end. Plus this little birdie knows how to accessorize and use color to their advantage.
annie pants- a zebra. cuz its a fancy horse. bam.

2010-01-07T11:07:00.000-08:00

So Lately I have been trying to be a good girl and eat less crap and eat more veggies and fruit. I decided not to go with a "new years resolution" because then I end up blowing it totally, feeling guilty for not following through, and end up throwing my food conscience to the alligators. We all know how this story ends, no thinner than I started and completely unmotivated. So I simply decided that I would eat healthier (after the holidays of course) because no self-respecting southerner would overlook sweet potato pie and nana's stuffing.
Let me tell you about a tiny friend of mine, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com. She literally weighs 95 lbs. soaking wet. She is so stinking tiny and precious; I could just put her in my pocket and take her places with me. She also has willpower like I have never seen. The girl only eats carbs and sugar ONE TIME A MONTH. Are you kidding me? Yeah...I do that too, once a year...it's called Lent.
So until the day that I can be strong like that I will have to settle on finding recipes that are more low-cal but satisfy my cravings and substituting my burgers for salads.
Amazingly enough, butter queen Paula Deen taught me this one yesterday and I tried it out.  I have to admit...It it is not entirely terrible and it satisified my tastebuds that were dying for a dessert.
Sugar free Magical Peanut butter cookies:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup splenda
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
mix well.
roll into balls on wax paper covered cookie sheet
make fork crosses on tops (dip fork in splenda to prevent sticking)
bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.

try em' out. I think your thighs might thank me.
peanut butter smooches!
CK

2010-01-06T15:14:00.000-08:00

I went to the store to get groceries for dinner. I went with the intention of having fish, but salmon was more expensive than steak. It looks like happy Wednesday to me with a fancy steak dinner. Catch ya later guys, gonna go tackle my t-bone. As Paula Deen would say "Love and best dishes from my kitchen to yours."
muah!
C

2010-01-04T17:28:00.000-08:00

At my office there is a little candy jar that our staff has come to know and love. It is a quaint little box with a distinctive characteristic. It is shaped like a church, steeple and all. The church doesn't always have sweet treats in it, (who could keep it full of chocolate with 6 women around all the time?)

I do have to admit that it makes for a happy day when someone brings in their extra Christmas candy and our secretary sends out a collective email telling us that "there's chocolate in the church." Personally I can't help but snicker at the irony of someone sending a reply all email stating "Thank God" in response. May everyone have chocolate in their church and enjoy the New Year!
love and chocolate,
Ceciliawho.

anchors aweigh.

2010-01-04T16:58:00.000-08:00

So today my mind is somewhere else, somewhere even more south than Augusta, GA. My mind is in "Jack"son'ville, FL. I abbreviate the town as such because my friend "jack" as I call her, or Jacque as everyone else does, and her dog Jackson live there. How appropriate that they would live there, in their own namesake, but they didn't always.
Let me begin this story at the beginning, always a good place to start. Jack and I went to college together and after graduation lived together for about 3 years, then she met Chris. They had a whirlwind romance, they met, they fell in love, they married, all within 12 months. She came home after her first date with a big smile on her face. "Tell me about it!" I said. "Oh he is such a sweetie, he is handsome, he opened my car door, he brought me flowers and tells me I'm beautiful.." "AWW! He is a keeper." I gushed. "There is only one thing" Jack said with a raised eyebrow. "What's that?" I asked. "He has decided to join the navy...he wants to Surf." Jack said. "Surf? Are you sure? Why doesn't he just move to California?" I inquired. "I don't know. He said he really likes the lifestyle and believes in the mission." "Jack- are you sure he said Surf?" "Yep" she said sighing a little. "Ok then..." I said puzzled.
Their second date came and went and she walks back in the house, plops on the couch beside me, pours herself a double tequila shot, looks at me and says... "Yeah...I asked him why he didn't just move to CA....he explained to me that he wants to SERVE." We had a good laugh and the next thing I knew he was sending me a text message asking if he could hide the ring in my room so she couldn't find it. Now they have been married and living in Jacksonville for almost a year and a half. My, My, how time flies...
But today is one of those days that isn't as fun and spontaneous and finding your soulmate and moving to a warm sunny beach. It is the day that every wife and loved one of a military officer dreads. The day they ship out. Jack and her pup will be left behind not knowing where their beloved is or if he is safe and secure. How often do we take for granted the fact that we can pick up a phone and call our loved ones; hear their voices, if only for a moment, to ease our minds of worry. My heart goes out to Jack and all the loved ones of our military.
God Bless you Chris, and may he keep you safe. Thank you for your service to our country, we are indebted to you. I hope that you know how much we admire you and your bravery. I hope during your deployment and travels you get some time to surf.
God Bless you Jack, and may he keep you strong. You must never feel lonely, your friends are always here.

Happy Baby pose.

2009-12-28T19:19:00.001-08:00

So for those of you that have never done Yoga it is an ancient art that mixes breathing and stretching and strength training. The names of the poses come from different parts of nature. For example, tree pose is accomplished by standing on one foot with the other pushed up against your other leg all while balancing and keep complete balance and calm. It is said that you are like a tree... strong and balanced even in the worst of the storm. At the end of most every long hold of any stretch or muscle strengthener you are asked to go into happy baby pose. This is accomplished by lying on your back holding the bottom of your feet and rocking side to side. This massages the back muscles and loosens tension. Above you will see a picture of my cousin as exhibit A.
Namaste. My inner peace meets your inner peace.

a present for papa...

2009-12-28T18:55:00.001-08:00

Can you say it with me? PERFECT!

2009-12-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

So Christmas this year was a hoot. My lovely Aunt Debbie, the aforementioned one that is technologically challenged has three small children under 4. Wow. Another one going to straight to heaven. So we were supposed to all meet at Nana and Papa's just like we always do. We let her choose the time- 11am. OK... So noon rolls around and they aren't there but suddenly we hear the van squeal up (what can I say...it needs a little tune up. but who has the time?) I open the door thinking I am going to see my little lollipop guild waiting with slobbery kisses for me but Nope, just my aunt, the baby and my uncle looking a little frazzled to say the least. Where are the girls I asked? Asleep in the van. They aren't coming in, he is taking them home. hmm... OK....So after he leaves with the two older kiddos she proceeds to tell me the story. First, the 4 y/o decided that she did not want to be a human this week. She was going to be an animal so at church she sat beside her Dad going "MEOW....MEOW...MEOW" He nonchalantly told her that cats are not allowed in church so she was quiet for about 30 seconds and turned, looked at him and said "MOO...MOO....MOO" needless to say they spend the rest of Mass in the narthex. Then, Santa decided that it would be a good idea for the girls to express their creativity through painting and brought the 4 and 3 y/o girls and easel and paint set with two sides and a mat that covered the floor. Turns out you need a paint tarp to stop the mess that they made. They painted the easel, the carpet, They painted the bathroom counters and the windows sills and then stepped in the remnants and painted the floor. They also painted their brother on three separate occasions resulting in three separate visits to the bathtub. HO HO HO as they say. Perhaps Mommy and Daddy need to include a list of "no-no toys and crafts" for Santa with the kids wish lists for next year....So this is the picture I got with the remaining child left at Christmas lunch. My aunt's not in the picture, she is on the couch wrapped up in my Snuggie. Bless her Heart.

DO NOT BUY THIS PRODUCT.

2009-12-28T18:16:00.000-08:00

http://www.hairproductstogo.com/images/ByFram/byf%20masque.JPG

So, whenever possible I try to be Eco-friendly. Therefore I decided to branch out in my hair product world and buy this "masque for color treated hair" It claims to be a "unique formulation of rich proteins and vitamins that restructure and rebuild color treated hair" This product is organic and never tested on animals. Even their packaging is recyclable. What they failed to mention is that it smells like armour all with a hint of Windex. Barf. These are smells I never ever want to get a whiff of while in the shower. I only want to wash these smells OFF of me.
Here are a few of the ingredients mentioned on the back of the package: lupin amino acids, hydrolyzed wheat protein, barley protein, hydrolyzed wheat starch, parfum (LIARS), mica, and titanium oxide. SWEET- just what I wanted my hair to smell like....wheat, metal and barley. delicious. Note to the MAN who obviously designed this product: Us women don't want to smell like that, and we don't want you to either.
So, sorry Mother Earth, don't mean to hurt your feelings, but I'm going back to the bad for you, good for my nose products. No offense my dear planet, but I'd rather smell like Lilies of the Valley.
love and organic kisses.
Cbass.

In her shoes for a lunch break...

2009-12-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

So today I had a very interesting conversation. My friend, Mel is a lovely lovely woman, she really is. Her husband is a pastor and she is a crisis counselor by trade, but has given up her career to become a stay at home Mom and homeschool her young children. She came to have lunch with me and some of my coworkers and her cell phone rang twice. Once was her son, #1-her son calling "No honey, you cannot watch TV. Have you listened to your audio book? Oh ok, well go practive your cursive Y's yes...you do have to... sorry honey. No! no TV until you have done your Y's." #2 her husband calling- "No honey, he cannot get on LEGO.com until he has practiced his cursive Y's." She hangs up. Rolls eyes. "You would think I am torturing him, making him learn handwriting." response from the peanut gallery (aka my fabulous secretary with humor for days): "Telling you are teaching him to read and write, not read and type."Mel: "You know... that boy makes me laugh, everyday, it never fails. Today, I told him to go get dressed. He came out wearing a fedora. What's a Mom to do?"Mel: "So, some new neighbor kids that moved in that always want to hang out with my kids. Well, I had to lay some boundaries down with them. I have to have a structured household. Yesterday we were outside raking leaves and one of new neighbor boys tapped me on the shoulder while I was using the blower... about scared me to death. He then proceeded to say "Miss Mel...see, my brother's using the bathroom, and...well, can we borrow a roll of toilet paper?" I just sent my son inside for a roll and told him he could have it." God Bless her. Straight to heaven I tell you.

BFF and F and F and F....

2009-12-03T13:45:00.000-08:00

A southern ladies friendship is like nuclear warfare. Now hear me out.. I know that is a bold statement, but think about it. Nuclear warfare between foreign nations remains peaceful because they keep eachother at bay. You don't blow us up and we will do the same. Well.... that is how a real friendship is. You have so much dirt on that girl sitting across from you at brunch that you could rock her world. But you know the same is true for you. So you keep her secrets, both because you love her more than words could say, but you also don't want to admit that you actually wore that atrocious outfit in college or dated that loser or danced on a chair or... the list goes on for miles. So you just giggle together and share the insanely funny stories that only you can all laugh at. Plus who would beleive them anyway? Noone actually slept on the doormat with a can of mace...or did they? A lady never tells...

Go Jackets! Bust their a$$

2009-12-03T13:44:00.000-08:00

So, I did it. I, the stanch Georgia Tech fan that I am took my friend to the SEC game he wanted to go to. It's true.. I took him to the (looking around and whispering...) UGA game. To make matters worse I dragged my besties with me. Both of them are Tech fans. We sat around in red and black chairs under red and black tents drinking out of red and black koozies. (oh the horror...) We all had a pretty good time, but would huddle together singing the contraband fight song from the other side of the tailgate in our private circle when it all got to be a little much for us. We tried to enjoy ourselves, but ironically enough the pests at the tailgate kept buzzing around. go figure... Yellow Jackets. Guess they were there to remind us of our allegiance. Yeah yeah... we know... Go Jackets....sting em'!

Fears

2009-11-30T15:57:00.000-08:00

Everyone has their foibles, right? (that just happens to be one of my very favorite words, I remember learning it in the 5th grade and have had a deep appreciation for it ever since.) ok... Off that rant... One of mine is a completely irrational fear of revolving doors. I will goto every legnth to avoid them. I am a beleiver in scooting in the handicapped door. Yeah yeah... I know... They are Eco-friendly, the "green" of doors because they keep all energy in and let a minimal amount of heat/ air out into the atmosphere. Not to mention would render the "were you raised in a barn" question pointless as a revolving door can never be left open. Yet still my inner childs freaks the F out every time I even toy with the thought of sliding myself into one. I guess being the friend who has to suffer mild humiliation and step aside and go through the "normal" door is bearable considering heart palpitations and breaking out in hives is the alternative...

everyone needs a little perspective...

2009-09-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

It is amazing what a little dose of perspective has to offer. A "mile walk in someone else's shoes" so to speak. yesterday was not a good day. One of those that just starts off wrong, ya know? Grouchy. Late. hungry, no good food in the pantry. Work was a B!+*h- reports and stats and UGH!! I burned dinner, I slammed my foot in the door because my dog tried to run out. I even realized when putting on my Pjs that I had worn my undies inside out all day. I felt lonely and defeated. Then, the next day I went and visited my friend who was at the hospital with her daughter. The moment I sat down I realized how ungrateful I am. Here is a beautiful young woman who is spending the better part of a summer month in a hospital bed fighting an incurable disease. Her mother, my very dear friend, spends night after night on a pull out hospital bed in the room to be there for her daughter. Funny how my day just didn't seem so bad after all. PERSPECTIVE.

So the next time that you are complaining about the sweltering heat in Augusta maybe we could just throw a little bit of that energy we are using up to complain to maybe think about our troops who are in Iraq to keep us safe in full gear in the 120 degree heat away from their families and friends. PERSPECTIVE.

Perhaps the next time we see a homeless person in the street we can think about how fortunate we are and how many things that we have and can offer to the needy. Think how easily that could be us. These are not easy times. There could be many circumstances in which we find ourselves turned out on the street. PERSPECTIVE.

When we see the commercials on TV with the starving children do not think of them as begging us for money. Picture their mothers and fathers and how they feel that they cannot provide for their babies. Think of your own children or nieces and nephews and what you would do to make sure that they have food in their bellies and clean water to drink. How much do we take vaccinations for granted? These babies are not dying of cancer. They are dying of starvation and dehydration and diarrhea because of unsanitary drinking water. They are not asking for playstations and $150 sneakers. They are asking for rice and water and textbooks and pencils. PERSPECTIVE.

It is amazing what a new light a different perspective gives to things. Think of a kaleidoscope that you played with as a child. Remember how one turn of it would move the colored pieces and the whole design would change. That, my friends, is how a perspective, even one ever so slightly different, can change your view on the world.

Its a Southern thing...

2009-08-28T15:08:00.001-07:00

So my friend in California has reminded me of the pride that I have in
the fact that I am from the South. Not because I hate CA or think bad
of it at all, but I realize even more than usual that it is a
privilege to be from GA. Obviously not for our education system, last
time I checked I’m pretty sure we were 48th, but for our traditions
and our stance on not losing them. It is impressive to have a cast
iron frying pan that is been in your family for 5 generations and has
made the cornbread that is used in Thanksgiving’s dressing for the
last 150 years. It is a privilege to wear a wedding dress that has
been handed down from our grandmother even if it isn’t a Vera Wang. A
dress in my family has been worn by 4 members, a baptismal gown has
been worn by three. We are proud for our children to have smocked
penguins across their chest that their Mimi hand stitched and say
certain words with such a thick drawl that people giggle and say “my
goodness, she does have magnolia mouth just like you did when you were
a little girl.” They have enclosure cards with tiny soccer balls or
ballet shoes on them where they “write” their first thank you cards to
the people that attended their first birthday party. They wear
seersucker and knee socks and saddle oxfords (and I mean the boys) and
the girls dress their best for Sunday (pronounced Sun-dee) church and
Sun-dee dinner. We call them Miss Priss and Little Man and we expect
them to use their manners, who cares if they are 3?
They know Emily Post because they think she is coming to dinner each
week, they think their daddies hung the moon and love their creek
(pronounced crick) that runs behind their house that they can go catch
tadpoles in while Mom and Dad work in the garden. They have stopped
and had boiled peanuts at every roadside stand this side of the
mason-Dixon line and know how to eat them without messing up their
traveling clothes. They know their neighbors (and neighbor’s dogs)
names and are welcome to swim in their pool anytime. No one locks
their doors when they are home and they can ride their bikes in the
streets. They have made a lemonade stand in their front yard and made enough money in two hours to buy the electric Barbie jeep they were just dying for. We make cookies all
together as a family on Christmas Adam (the day before Christmas Eve)
and decorate them and get icing all over the walls, and it is doesn’t
matter if you are 6 or 26 because it is a tradition and that means it
will be like that forever, green icing stuck in your pigtail and a
tummy ache from all the batter and all.

2009-08-28T15:07:00.001-07:00

so as I sit here at my desk I find myself drifting off into a place that I loving call 'fiesta del summer', which is my magical happy place that only exists when it is warm and sunny and beautiful outside and I am stuck in my windowless office. If i lean in closely enough to my diet coke (while wishing it was a corona) I can hear laughter and jet skis and hear jimmy buffett playing softly in the background. I know, its true. I am a little crazy... but I can think of nothing better than nautical themes and koozies and waking up early only to fall asleep with the sun beaming down on you and the smell of coppertone wafting up your nostrils.

I love to watch the small children in their fishing hats that tie under their chins playing with the dads in the sand and taking it off down the beach only to bust it into a hole they didnt see coming up. I love watching their faces light up when the waves come over their ankles and the look of sheer terror when the waves knock them down only to see them scooped up by their parents before the next one hits. They then spend the next couple of minutes with their bottom lip poked out pointing at the waves and babbling to their parents and then sticking their finger in their mouth and pointing again only to wiggle down their daddys leg to go right back to the spot where the incident occured. I love seeing them build their sandcastle with their 238763036 tools shaped like starfish, sea turtles, crabs, jellyfish, and what seems to be a mermaid. They have 6 shapes and sizes of shovels and 4 buckets. The funny thing is that the small child finds as much fun in running down to the water, attempting to fill the bucket and run back as fast as possible to the to the castle that mommy and daddy have begun building sloshing the water to and fro on the way only to dump the minimal contents onto the perfect rendition of rapunzels tower that daddy has recreated. As lunch/naptime descends the little families begin to mosey back up to their beach houses packing up their seemingly endless supply of toys and floaties. you have the tent, the umbrella, the beach chairs, the bag of sunscreen, the boogie board, the arm floaties in the shape of sponge bob squarepants, the inner tube, the wagon, the shovels, the sea creature shaped sand toys, the play pen, the towels, the beach blanket, the cooler...the list goes on and on... so as I watch them cramming everthing ino the red wagon the hauled down to the beach I realize that it might be more fun to watch than to be a part of.

And just as I was beginning a deep train of thoughts I see a guy in a speedo weenie-bikini aka banana hammock. My friend who has been silently reading her book for the past three hours and left my imagination alone (which is a very dangerous thing when there is so much people watching at my disposal) and says some snarky comment about how hot he looks in his fur coat and his speedo (of course by fur coat she means his discusting display of back hair.) to which all I can reply is "i guess lunch can wait another hour." We watch him romp around in the water and go back to his umbrella shaded beach chair. Oh thank goodness, he is gonna read or listen to music or something. Oh no... he and his family are the "active beach people." You know the type.. bachi ball, frisbee, volley ball, badmitton. These people can't sit still. They cannot be content to tan and read and wade in the water like me, the lazy beach bum type. I think the final straw was when he attempted to skim board and busted it face first. It was just too tragic- I had to look away and choose another set of people to observe. I could take no more...

2009-08-28T15:06:00.001-07:00

So here is my deal- I teach a lot of kids, and I mean a LOT. In one month sometimes i will go to three schools and teach every single class in the school. U know what the equation equals out to?? A bunch of names that make me laugh, a bunch of little kid comments that are just precious and a lot of sticky hands and snotty noses (but that is the bad part...)

Here are a few great comments: Upon asking the kids to give me some examples of rules (we are talking prek-5th grade here) #1 "Don't go into a hospital and tell someone ther are dying because they might get sad" #2 "Don't pretend like you forgot to do your chores" #3 "don't drink beer" #4 "Don't beat up baby dolls" (a little wierd...but hey) #5 "Don't put food down your brother's back"

Or when giving them the example of when your ride your bike you wear a ______ (I then point at my head and pause for an answer) and a little 4 year old prek student whose mother was observing yells out "A WIG!!!!!" I thought her mother was going to fall out of her chair and it took me about 5 minutes to regain my and the classes composures!!

I had a few extra minutes after my classes around halloween and asked the kids what they were going to dress up as; I got the normal answers, "Jason" was the most widely used suprisingly....I kinda thought he was outdated, but whatever. Ladybug, cheerleader, teacher (guess you carry some chalk and an apple around), spiderman, chucky, but my personal favorite "I am going to be MARRIED for halloween" I even asked again and they were like Yep, just like my mom and dad.... I would have been very interested in how that costume turned out!

So my favorite names of the month and I am NOT making these up, these kids were in my class, their names were taped to their desks!! #1 Ovarian (pronounced O-va-re-on) #2 Demon (pronounced D-mon) #3 Santanna (yep, like the amazing guitarist- possibly named after with an extra N, didn't ask, but definitely had the rock and roll look going on..) #4 Loreal (yep, like the makeup.) #5 Regional (think they meant reginald?)

My favorite misspellings in the classrooms (and we wonder why this generation can't spell a dang thing...I am probably not the best considering I post without editing most of the time...) On the holiday words board: "snowsmen", "raindeers"

In a Pre-k Class things are labeled everywhere: a few of my favorites a box with little pieces of paper for writing random things down labeled "strap paper" and an old computer labeled "moniter" (that one really isn't that bad, but it is the principle of the thing..)

My favorite tshirts include ones for halloween that said "nothing scares me, I have a little brother" or "I make dirt look good" or "Take a picture it will last longer" or the ever popular "Its all about me" (and we wonder how they ever get the idea that the world revolves around them...)

I also enjoy their bookbags, my favorite will always be the one that is shaped like a yellow hummer and it has wheels on it, so it is dual purpose really... the child won't hurt his/her back while toting around the 3465 lbs of books that they are expected to carry; and it looks like their knapsack is popping a wheelie. win-win if you ask me.

And my favorite of all, which I will post a picture of as soon as I can figure out how to blur out the name of the school had a sign outside, which in their defense could have absolutely been altered said "here at ____ we care about our STDS" (this was meant as an abbreviation of students.) I did tell the administration and it was fixed, but it brought me a lot of laughs.

2009-08-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

funny things the little girls in my family said this weekend:

three little girls under 10 sitting around the dining room table eating dinner with me.

(meanwhile Jessica (3) is running in circles around the table singing "Waddle while you walk" and quacking like a duck...)

"My daddy has been working on all kinds of stuff on the house and working on the computer and showing me how to use my digital camera." -abigail (10)

"yeah, our daddy has been doing all kinds of stuff around the house and helping to train the dogs" -Ellie (6)

"my daddy is on a diet" -Isabel (4)

My sister looks me square in the eye, sighed, dropped her peanut butter sandwich, put her head in her hands and said in her most grown up voice said "i miss michael jackson" i almost lost it.

My dad says to 6 y/o ellie. "come over here and take a picture with us and don't throw that Barbie." "i don't want to come over there and I will throw it if I want to" ellie says back. "Don't you do it ellie, that would be an 'extreme act of defiance' and you know what Dr. Mark says about that" Abigail looks at me, rolls her eyes, breathes out loudly and says "therapist." I felt like I was on a sitcom.

"he is a cool little dude" 10 y/o referencing the 10 month old.

driving down the road Isabel asks what all the mess is and her mom says that they are working on the road to make it smooth and she answers "oh...so we can put on our lipstick?"

thoughts...

2009-07-28T07:57:00.001-07:00

Is it ironic that my Godson’s name is Christian Holliday? Is it funny that my grandpa secretly reads my In Touch weekly but then can’t help but put his two cents in when we are talking about Jon’s new + 1. ‘She seems like a trashy troublemaker’ he adds into my aunt debbie’s conversation. She looks shocked and I just tell her that he reads my celeb mags with his eggs in the morning. Is it sad that my grandmother stayed up later than me watching the golden girls last night? I just couldn’t hang with nana… I will have to remember to ask her what happened with Blanche after all. Is it bad that I think it is funny when small children tell their parents are mean? They have no idea. I wish my parents would be as mean to me as they are to three year olds. Juice box please!! I heard a statistic yesterday that after age 25 binge drinking decreases steadily each year. Yeah, because after 25 if you binge drink a whole lot, you aren’t a party girl, you’re an alcoholic.

flowers and ribbon and birdseed, OH MY!

2009-07-20T13:18:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been surrounded by something? And I mean completely surrounded. Like when your dress is entirely too tight (but spanxmakes it look awesome) or when a group of 32 preschoolers want to give you a bear hug all at the same time?

Well I have had that feeling a few times in my life and they can be a very bittersweet feeling.Oftentimes you love one part and you hate that the other makes you uncomfortable.

You love that you are able to squeeze your size 4 body into that faboo size 2 dress that you paid entirely too much for but you hate that you can only dance one dance before you can barely breathe in. I adore the fact that the kids enjoyed my lesson so much that they want to physically hug me and tell me how great I am and tell me I’m pretty and they like my shoes (why I chose to wear 3 inch heels on a pre-k day escapes me… probably something to do with the only clean laundry I had matched those shoes...) but I hate that when they all push at the same time and I cant help but lean over hoping not to fall and squish 8 out of the 32 with my and the rest of the classes weight.

This feeling can sometimes translate into a broader picture (no pun intended considering one of my examples was spanx) in life. These days, as I am at “that age” where everyone I know is at a point where they are no longer the person I cherish but a “we,” a “them” to me. It is truly surrounding me- the “quicksand of happiness”, if you will. I am SO happy for my friends and I love being in weddings and going with them to choose their colors and taking a peek at the ring that “them” have picked out and tossing around ideas of eloping so their crazy in-laws don’t have to be there, but (here it comes) that bittersweet feeling comes creeping into my bed at night when I am watching cosby show reruns with my dog. All those stupid thoughts go rushing through my (typically) level head. I don’t particularly feel bad about my thoughts, they are always happy thoughts for “them,” but sometimes they make “just me” feel sad. Kinda like when my spanx come off after the big event and it is back to the reality of myself.

There my friends go, one by one pairing off like Noah’s critters and walking down the aisle to the other side of life. And here I am, like one of Cinderella’s mice that got her dressed up and beautiful for that ball only for her to meet Prince Charming and leave them behind. I could only imagine that little "Gus-Gus" was all too happy for“Cinderelly” but couldn’t help but feel a little sadness for himself followed by a twinge of guilt knowing that it was the best thing for his friend.
So here I am feeling a bit like an imaginary mouse. Happy and sad, lonely yet surrounded, jealous but unprepared for such a step in my own life.

This weekend, at a Junior League conference I was surrounded by about 300 married or engaged women who were talking about their families or“better half” and I realized two things. They have someone to check in with and someone to come home to and I, on the other side of the coin, didn’t have to check in with anyone and could walk into my door and be greeted by a creature that would be unshakably, undeniably, unmistakably, happy to see me expecting nothing more that a pat on the head. As I lay sprawled across my entire queen sized bed with my pup eating bon bons and catching up on my people.com I wonder who the lucky one really is.

wally. :)

2009-07-08T10:26:00.001-07:00

So it is summertime and I am extremely excited and ready for a much needed vacation, but regardless of my plans I cannot neglect my duties to Papa. So what do I do? I take off two hours early on friday in order to get him to wally before my friend picks me up to head out of town for my (did i mention it was much needed?) beach vaca.
As I am leaving the office I call him and let him know that I am going to swing into the neighborhood, park my car, and hop into his grandpa mobile so that we can make this a quick trip. We were even going to have to change from his usual location (which adds an additional 10 minutes to the drive, but I am not going to deprive a poor man of his love of a certain wal-mart) to one that is more convenient. "I hate the height of their counters" he grumbles under his breath "but Ok, I know you are in a hurry."
So I park on the street and run in to gather papa. He is standing in front of the microwave heating up his tea. "hey Sug" (pronounced like the beginning of sugar for all you non-southerners.) "What up Pop, you ready?" I say as I slip off my high heels and into my comfy flops. "You aren't wearing those things are you? Looks like you grew up in the bad part of the trailer park." I hear Nana laugh from the other room and she walks in. "Hi darling" she says in her sweet spanish accent. "Nana, are they that bad?" She crinkles her nose in a way that I knew she was saying yes but squeezed a "nooo not that bad" lie out. Ughhhh. "Too bad! I am wearing them. And I am in a HURRY!" I say.
"well, if i knew you were gonna be dressed like that I wouldn't have even taken the time to bathe and shave" papa says. I shoot him a look and Nana says "GEO-rge, Behave." My sentiments exactly. Nicely done nana, nicely done. I couldn't really complain since 99% of the time he would have still been sitting in his lay-z-boy with his heels kicked up and nana laying on the bed playing cash cab against eachother. I can almost hear him saying "good job- Mama! Can't believe you got that one. I didn't know they used to make the frame of a brazziere out of whale bone..." He was all the way at the right side of the house so I figured I really couldn't complain about the flip-flop bashing too much.
So Papa and I head off to our destination, and as per usual I drop him off at the front door. "K- papa, run in, get your cart and I will meet you in the pharmacy." I tell him. "What's that dear?" he says and he finagles his mug of tea into the cup holder. "Nothing, I'll find you."
He wanders in chatting with everyone as they walk by, I just roll my eyes and figure the car behind me is pretty pissed since he is talking to them in the walkway between the road and the door. Oh well, don't have time to tell him to move. My friend is going to be picking me up in 2 hours and I haven't showered or packed. Time for the pedal to hit the medal so to speak. As I am walking in there is a man with a slit cut out of his tupperware container and a description of some service for the community he is offering printed on computer paper and duct-taped to the front and asks me for a donation. "sure, on the way out" I tell him and go on about my way to find the elusive man I like to call Papa.
So we go through our regular ritual although he is in a particularly reminiscing type mood telling me that "he hasn't seen yellow meat watermelons like that since Uncle Claude was growing them on his farm when he was just knee-high." I really enjoy him regailing me if his childhood tales, but when he isn't planning on buying the melon just telling me a story I wonder why he picked the most rushed trip we have ever had to tell me this particular one...
We finally make it to the counter to pay for our goods the lady asks me how I am doing "Fine, thank you." I say half distracted by papa's scooter skills (or lack thereof) and he tells me he will meet me in just a minute. "That's good. It's hot out there isn't it?" she says back to me. "Umm.. hmm" I answer back. "You running to restroom, Papa?" I ask him wanting to know so that I don't have to search high and low for him after I pay. "Something like that.." he mumbles as he walks off. "How are you doing today" the greeter asks me again. How strange of her to ask twice, I chalk it up to her having amnesia and answer again "Fine, thanks. Except for the ridiculous heat- must be 100 degrees out there today." "Amen. Sure is hot out there." I keep thinking that she is going to ask me a third time but she just bags up papa's produce, say my goodbyes and go looking for him. Not by the bathroom, not getting coffee... where is he? So I wheel the cart outside past the man with the tupperware and he asks me to donate again. I put a couple bucks in his makeshift bin all the while looking for papa on this benches and rocking chairs they sit outside to advertise that they have them. Not here either? GEEZZ!! I told him I was in a hurry! So I wheel the 300 lb cart around the front of the store and to the other door, back inside, look in the vision and nail center and no Papa. I wheel back out the door and end up in front of the man I just donated to and he asks me for money. WHAT IS WITH THESE PEOPLE, ARE THEY KIDDING ME? Finally I see Papa's red sweatshirt and golf hat peeping up over the rows of cars, three rows over from ours. "PAPA!" I yell as I push the cart over toward him. "PAAAPAAAAA" I said having to yell loud enough to embarass myself, not to mention I am sweating from lugging aroung this cart in the heat. He turns around slowly with his coffee and I point where the car is and he heads that way. When he finally gets to the car after I had already unloaded the car, returned the cart, and gotten the air on, he bee bops up. "What were you doing wandering around the parking lot? You know I was in a hurry." I quickly ask him. "Well," he says mid-sip of the coffee he went off to get "I walked out here and realized I couldn't remember where we parked so I have been going down the aisles." "Papa-I dropped you off at the front door." I tell him. "Doggone- no wonder I couldn't find the old la-sabre." Long story short (well.. not really..but...figuratively speaking) I wasn't ready when my friend picked me up, but who can blame me? Papa is retired, even his coffee mug is laid back.

technology woes..

2009-06-10T07:13:00.000-07:00

so, yeah.. I did it. I got an Iphone. I just HAD to have it. Now I pay entirely too much in phone bills and don't know how to use half of the apps or even look up the ones I really like. Looks like my next trip to the local barnes and noble is going to consist of browsing turned to buying in the iphone for dummies section. My friends that are in the "I-club" (aka own one) tell me that it is because I haven't rebooted or sync-ed it with my PC lately. Well... I would like all the perks without the knowledge of a gigabite pleeeze... That is not what I bargained for.. Computers are so not my forte... this whole plug the cord in your USB and then go to la lala and do doobie doobie do and oh my... so confused sometimes. I think I need an Ihug.

how do you think this one ends...

2009-06-09T11:20:00.000-07:00

so here I am, sitting with one of my BFFs talking about lord of the rings and attempting to watch revolutionary road (which we eventually gave up on) and my phone starts buzzing. 10:30, who could that be... Im not expecting any calls... "hey girl. want to go to Charlotte for a concert? we have to leave at 8am." and the adventure begins....

I love my aunt debbie

2009-06-08T13:56:00.000-07:00

So as I lay down to bed, almost asleep last night my phone rings.. "Aunt Debbie cell? I say aloud... It's awfully late" I say "hello" trying to hide my sleepy voice. "OH CRAP" she says "I was trying to text you."
So this morning I get a message from her that says "wnat to swimm sunday?" (which I could only assume meant want to swim sunday) I answer and ask her "if she is getting this texting this down." She says "HEee.. heeEE. trying. I'm gonna tweeter next." "Debbie," I say, "It's twitter."

A story about my BF's Grandaddy

2009-02-25T08:22:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to Jack- Never forgotten, always loved:

Written by her grandmother:
Going through some old papers the other day I read some of Jack's class assignments and one I had to laugh over all over again. Now some of you are old enough to remember Jack who died in August 2000, we did not quiet make it to the magical 50 year marriage but for 47 years he was a great husband, father, and a friend to all.
When Jack retired from the army in 1971, he decided to go back to college and earn a degree in education and then teach for a few years at least until the magical age 62 when one could draw their social security. He found that he absolutley loved college...looked forward to going to class...loved doing "homework" writing papers, researching and more writing and more writing. He went on and earned a Master's Degree and also had a great time. If there had been a doctoral program at AC at that time I am sure he would have gone for that one also.
ONe day he came home, said that the Professor has given the class an assignment to write an article on the firefighters fire resistant pants, and he was going to the library to do some research on asbestos being used for fire retardant materials. Gone all afternoon, and came home and on our old typewriter finished up his article, handed it in the next day, and then the next day, the professor gave all the students back their papers and Jack got an A+.
The Prof asked of Jack, "Mr. E, I made a copy of your paper, and with your permission would like to read it to the class", of course Jack said ok, and so the teacher read the paper, the class began laughing, whooping, and some even had tears running down their face. The assignment which was still written on the blackboard, was to write an article on "HOT PANTS"
He came home laughing at himself, for those of you who are very young in the late 70s, girls did not wear bermuda shorts, but very very very short...hot pants. one could call this joke on Jack, a generational gender fling.

Wal-Mart Chronicles #3

2009-02-24T09:22:00.001-08:00

To Papa...

Since the last installment of our Wally World adventures Papa attempted to sneak out of the house while both Nana and I were away to go to the "curb mart" where unfortunately his trusty "A-La-Sabre" left him high and dry. So not only was he left with no cell phone because "those are the most useless things on the planet," but he also had to bum a ride from the pool man who was more than likely buying his usual carton of newports. SO... not only did my Nana have a cow thinking that someone had stolen his hunk of junk, but was alarmed when he was in his regular spot sipping his tea like nothing had happened. "Where in the world is your car?"She asked him. "Broke down" he says looking down at the golf digest he was reading. "How would you know that it broke down, you aren't supposed to be driving." "None of your business" he says and practices his golf swing without letting the leg rest down on his lay-z-boy.
So here we are... in my Nana's Jeep driving to Wal-Mart. "We got a half tank in there, sugar?" he asks me. "Yeah Pop, a little over." "Good, takes about that much for this dang thing to get out here" he says as he adjusts his golf cap. I just roll my eyes and rev the engine just to piss him off. "Don't do that- that takes up a 1/4 tank."
I drop him off at the front door and he plops out of the car, I say plop because it is so much higher than his car and what he is used to that he has to hop out and catch himself on the door handle. I walk in and he is just standing by the so-called "greeter" waiting for her to acknowledge his presence and get him a scooter. Finally Ms. Beverly walks up to him and says "come on, I'll get you one." By this time I wander off to see what the bakery section has come up with for this valentine holiday season. "Heart shaped pretzels covered with red hots, hmm.." was my thought as he wheeled up beside me.
"She said I can't drag race or pop wheelies in this one and I told her that was the only reason that I came here every Saturday." I just laugh and tell him that he should have told her that he would take his business to Target, but their rascals aren't as good. "Nah, he says, the produce is better here." GOD I LOVE THIS MAN! "Pepto Max section- Let's go...Keep up." he says to me. "Alright" I yell to him as I throw some pink tinted powdered sugar donuts in his scooter cart. He opens the pack up and pops one and leaves remnants of powdered sugar on the corners of his mouth. "Pop, you got something on your face" I say. "Saving it for later" he says without wiping it away.
He turns down the next aisle, throws some adult diapers in his cart and a lady not paying attention almost t-bones him. "Come on darlin', go ahead" and motions his hand to her. As soon as she is out of ear-shot he says "you good lookin hunk-o-woman." Now, let me explain...This lady had the the wicked witch's mole and looked as if she might have been the birth mother of quasi-moto. He races down the next aisle throwing things like the family size bottle of tylenol and the entire stock of wal-mart brand gas pills in stock into his scooter cart. He then turns round the next aisle and sees the lady again "Hey beautiful" he says and winks at her. She smiles and giggles and keeps pushing her buggy along.
He trucks back across the store to the grocery section and scoots down toward dog food. Now, this is a bit of a shock to me, because our trips run on a map.. McDonald's for coffee, Pharmacy, Produce section, then he turn down the wrong aisle THREE times every week to get dog food. But this week he skipped the first two- I was a bit taken aback. So we get our regular 6 cans of Ol' Roy and head to the dairy section. Eggs were on sale so he begins to pile them in. "3 dozen Pop, don't you think that's a bit of overkill." He doesn't even answer me and throws six things of black cherry yogurt in as well.
He moves on to the next aisle and begins to turn in. He realizes it is the candy aisle and he already bought enough Valentine's candy to last us until Easter the last time and turns his rascal so sharp in order to aviod heading down that aisle that it toppled a bit and he had to throw a leg out to keep from falling out. He wheels over to the next aisle and sticks his arm out like a biker about to make a left turn. He turns around with a huge grin and says "Just in case they were wondering which way I was going." He reaches over for a pack of Luzianne tea (which we have 4 boxes of at home) and knock about 6 over. He is talking some nonsense about Bobby Labonte and the Nascar team and I just zone him out and pick up the tea and follow along behind. He then realizes that his cart is almost full and he had forgotten to go to produce. So he hands me the family pack of Charmin Utra strong and tells me to 'tuck it under my arm till we get done.' Now, I don't know if you have ever attempted to carry around a family pack of this for more than from shelf to cart, but those little buggers are slippery and won't fit under your arm. Then, once he started trying to balance stuff on there is got to be a little much for me. So I told him that I was going to go get a shopping cart and I would meet him by the bananas and to "BEHAVE!" So I get my cart, return to produce and can't find him anywhere. I search the avocados, the grapefruits, the strawberries, all of his usual favorites, but to no avail. I really hate to leave that section because then I would NEVER find him. So I check my phone very sneakily for the time, because he doesn't allow me to use it on these trips and realize that he has been missing for about 5 minutes. I finally see him wheel around the corner perking his neck up to see across his monstrous pile of groceries grinning like a FOOL. "Where in the world did you go? I told you to meet me by bananas." But then I see it, his cup of McDonald's coffee steaming in his hand. How did I not figure it out? So he starts up with the story... "Well, I think the lady in there was trying to pick me up... I brought the 42 cents with me for the cup of coffee, but then I went to pay and the lady said it was 52. So I was fumbling with my billfold for a bit and this cute little lady said that she would buy if for me." "Well...Well... papa, maybe she thought you need a sugar mama." "That's the first person that's ever bought me a drink before... You think she was trying to pick me up or do I look like a poor hobo?" "Definately trying to pick you up Papa. most hobos don't wear chinos and tweed golf hats." "Well butter me and call me a biscuit...hand me those bananas. "

So most people do this on fb, but I blog, cuz that's what I do...yo.

2009-02-17T06:32:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to my randomness...

1.) I take my grandfather to Wal-Mart every week and there is not much in this world that I enjoy more.
2.) I love to give presents, but only if they are ABSOLUTELY perfect for the person. I look all year long for gifts and when I find them I buy them and store them until the person's special occasion. I have already bought val pal and Henry's bday presents. Their bdays are in May and November.
3.) I really like old movies and old movie stars, especially musicals. Oklahoma, funny girl, south pacific, my fair lady, pajama game, singing in the rain, meet me in St. Louis, gigi, an American in Paris... I probably have 200 if not more! Doris Day, Gene Kelley, Ginger Rogers, Audrey Hepburn.. They are classic, we should all learn something from them.
4.) I love comedians and stand up. I love Dave Chappelle, CHELSEA HANDLER, Ellen DeGeneres, George Lopez, Daniel Tosh, Redd Fox, tina fey,Dana Carvey. But my ultimate favorite forever and ever and will never change will be BILL COSBY!!!!
5.) I identify with Carrie in Sex and the City. She is a fashionista, which I try, don't have the money, but I try. Loves shoes- um, me. Has a great group of friends who see eachother through anything. And likes "Her money where she can see it, hanging in her closet."
6.) I love my name. I was named after my grandmother and have always thought that it was lovely. I prefer to be called Cecilia, I have fought tooth and nail my whole life to keep it that way because everyone in this country is lazy and wants to shorten it. Sorry... I like it. I love my pet names though: "nugget" and "cbass" and "cesilly" but only with expressed written consent...
7.) I really appreciate good manners. A man opening a car door for me is such a wonderful gesture. Gets me every time.
8.) Everything relates to song lyrics in my head. I don't know if it is because that is how I learn best or what, but if someone says something that reminds me of a chorus I am probably going to sing it to ya. Ex: What are you doing "Working 9 to 5...trying to make a living" -Dolly or How do you like this outfit? "Look at this peacoat and tell me he's broke" -Kanye
9.) I don't like scary movies, or being scared and I don't particularly like people in masks. Especially when they are driving with them on around Halloween. It's just creepy.
10.) I really enjoy people that can tell a good story. My Graham Cracker, Jack, My uncle Jim. When they can pull you in and make you laugh and hold you on the edge of your seat- I just love that. I do not like long, drawn-out, I "forgot the punch line" stories, or the kind told solely for shock value (you know which one I am talking about.)
11.) I was an adpi in college and am tickled pink that my amazing cuz decided to become one too. Now we really are sisters. "we are our daddies girls, we like to wear our pearls, we wear the cutest skirts, we are the biggest flirts, so if you want to know which sorority to go.. Go the first, go the best, go adpi" o.b.i.c.
12.) I can pretty much guarantee that if you need something it is in my purse. I have: Hand sanitizer, gum, 2 kinds of eye drops one for allergies, one for dry contacts, iPhone, ipod, headphones (or ear buds as I like to call them,) tums, allergy meds, my friends business cards to hand out when needed, blister prevention band-aids, deo, advil, tissues, girlie necessities, mascara, two shades of lipstick, two shades of gloss, one cherry chap-stick, one carmex (which ironically I hate the taste/smell of but am completely addicted to, pens, a brush, tide pen(it really works- I promise!!), a recipe i am trying tonight,sunglass cloth, lotion, and my keys (most of time except when I lock them in my car which is sadly becoming a habit) and they contain a bottle opener. Plus the gum I carry is big red so everything kinda smells like cinnamon..
13. I would really like to be a banker or a postal worker, not because I think I would like the job, but because they get all the sweet holidays off like veterans day, MLK, presidents day, labor day etc. And get to stay at home telling their friends "suckers!! How's work!?"
14. If I could do it all again I'd go to culinary school.
15.I like game shows like wheel of fortune and jeopardy and cash cab and I usually do awesome, but I SUCK at trivia at a bar, maybe it is the pressure..
16. I have two sisters adopted from china and they are beee-u-tee-ful!
17. I hate karaoke and will not do it- but I will go watch you do it ANYday!!
18. I'm not a dancer usually, but sometimes I get a hankerin' to shake my ass and it won't go away until I I clubbin'
19. I love the beach- it is my happy place.
20. I LOVE my dog- and, so much due to jack, is very well behaved.
21. I love the yellow jackets and grew up cheering for them "ramblin' gamblin' helluva engineer"
22. I really enjoy going to the zoo and reading about all the animals. The golden lion tamarin monkey is my favorite!
23. I think little kids are the funniest. They keep it real- they have to poop, they say so. They fart, they announce it, "sorry I pooted" and then plug their nose and run away. They cry when they are sad, they yell when they are angry, they get dirty, they don't like baths, they fight for their favorite toy, they play their favorite movie over and over and quote it. They use their imaginations and don't have to go somewhere to be on vacation- they can just believe that they are there. They love the pool and swimming, they cry when they have to leave somewhere they are having fun. They sing on the potty, they are attached to their blankies. They beat up their sibling and blame it on the one that cant talk yet. They throw their dinner on the floor if they don't like of, they throw fits when they don't get what they want, they don't need designer clothes and fancy makeup- they are just beautiful. They love their mommies and their daddies and they trust everyone no matter what..
24.I live to travel! Switzerland, Italy, France, Ecuador, Germany and new York were my favorite!!
25. I would love to write a book one day and I'm working on it- watch it guys, you say something that I like and it just might end up in my masterpiece!!

Ode de Cosby

2009-02-16T13:59:00.000-08:00

DEDICATED TO BILL.

Ok, so it is sad to admit this, but the truth is I have a severe addiction. I love the Cosby show. I don't know if it is the attitude that phylicia rashod projects as such a strong forward women or if it the fact that their marraige seems to be rock solid. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that they can be faced with the hardest of parenting challenges and seem to come up with the most clever ways to teach their kids a lesson. Like when they made Rudy and vanessa stay in the basement when they were fighting or when claire hustable made legal calls to bail theo out. And they do it all within 30 minutes.AMAZING! I love the fact that everyone calls Bill DR. Huckstable. Even the little kids. ANd who can resist that little Raven symon? I mean she is freakin cutest kid in the history of the world. And Denise's clothes? Straight flashback to a time where designers did hallucinogens. I love Dr.'s crazy ass Sweaters and when rudy and kenneth get in their discussions about womens rights because his brother is teaching him sexist ways. Or how bout the episode when Dr. huckstable tries to dress like a hobo and pretend he is really poor so he can wheel deal on a car price yet people recognize and ask him why he is dressed like that and tell the salesman that he is a doctor; they totally blew his cover! I love the fact that this is a show that I truly enjoy and can sit side by side with my grandmother and not have a single awkward moment. I think the mark of a truly gifted comedian is to make me laugh out loud with a joke that you can repeat back to your mom.

My name is Gigi and I am an ALPO-holic

2009-02-16T13:51:00.000-08:00

DEDICATED TO MY PRECIOUS PUP..

So yesterday when I let my dog in she had the hiccups. The funny thing is that this is the third time this week. It started me thinking that perhaps she has a problem with alcohol. As I told my friend I do not support her drinking habit, but apparently she has fallen off the wagon (and found her stash when I let her in the backyard) because when I let her in she was wild-eyed and hiccupping. Perhaps she and Chico (our jack Russell that rules the roost outside) are in cahoots and have started a puppy distillery out back. I will keep my eyes peeled and make sure that none of the neighborhood dogs come staggering out of our backyard. I would hate the thought of Sadie and Taiser finagling their way through the chain link and then coming home smelling of whiskey and alpo, what would the neighbors think?! I guess for now I will believe her when I ask her and she just looks up at my lovingly and gives me a sweet puppy kiss but I'm watching her like a hawk; I don't want her getting mixed up with the wrong crowd...

The difference between college life and real life

2009-02-16T13:40:00.000-08:00

How is that life seems to get faster and busier with every passing day of life. When I used to check my voicemail or email it would just be a simple "hi there and hello" from a friend or the heads up that a good band was coming to town. Nowadays I cant check either without my day planner and a pencil in my hand. Where did the college days of sitting with my best friend eating pizza and watching trash tv (what? emlimidate is not trash!! she would say right now!) go? It feels like only yesterday that we were doing that every other day in her cozy little apartment which we loving called "the A.P.T" We would only get off of her couch to restock the popcorn bowl or refill our vodka/gatorades. Then on the occasion that we decided to go out, because we got the aforementioned message about a good band, we would take 3 hours to get ready if we wanted to. Therefore our schedule would look like this:
11:00am- roll out of bed
11:30am- class
12:15pm- leave class
12:30pm- call friend on phone to complain about class
1:00 pm- nap
2:30 pm- trash tv
5:00 pm- shower
6:00 pm- more mindless television coupled with leftover pizza
7:00 pm- blowdry hair
7:45 pm- start make-up process
8:20 pm- try on outfit #1
8:30 pm- try on outfit #2
8:40 pm- try on outfit #3
8:50 pm- try on outfit #4
9:00 pm- try on outfit #5
9:10 pm- put outfit #1 back on.
2:15 am- stumble back to the apartment
Start over again from the top....

NOWADAYS....
7:00 am- Roll out of bed and put on outfit picked out and ironed the night before, grab cup of coffee from coffee pot set on timer.
8:00-5:00 pm- WORK non-stop.
5:25 pm- roll into volunteer activity 10 minutes late
9:45 pm- leave volunteer activity
10:15 pm- eat english muffin because it is the only thing that you had enough energy to taost.
Start over again from the top....

So: word to the wise stay in school as long as possible, shoot... get your P.H.D.!!!

THREE CHEERS FOR NEW FRIENDS!

2009-02-11T07:44:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to SUSUart.com

I am feeling a little sappy today and it is in part because of this painting.

My new friend, SUSUart.com painted this cross and she dedicated it to me and my Bf and called it the "New Friends" cross. As I told her, I see so much in this painting. It is not just brush strokes on canvas. It is so much more to me than that- I feel like it personifies a brand new comraderie that has become such an important part of my life. When I look at it I see so much depth and meaning. I see love and companionship and laughter and smiles. I see crossroads and hard times and a hand to hold. I see sparkle and shine and I see a lifetime of memories to come.
Friend, amiga, pal, buddy, sista, what ever it is that you call eachother it means one thing. Love. I love my friends with all my heart. You are my rock, you are my foundation. You break bread together. You trust eachother with secrets. You make nicknames up for other people. You defend them ferociously; like a mama bear would with her cubs. You take what they say to heart. You listen. You talk. You cry. You know they would never judge you. You tell them things you are scared to talk about. You tell them they look bad when they do. You buy them things that they need when they cant afford them. You remember important occasions (most of the time-sorry Val Pal,) or if you forget you make it up to them 10 fold. You support even when you do not agree. You calm. You relax. You listen to bad rap. You learn every word to songs so that you can roll down all the windows and sing it at the top of your lungs. You give suggestions. You take suggestions. You spend too much money. You are broke together. You see eachother through the good times. You see eachother throught the bad times. You are there. Period.

Wherever the yellow brick road may lead us in our lives we all know those ruby red slippers are gonna lead us right back to where we belong; with the girls that were right there when we bought them.

I HEART MY DAD

2009-02-05T11:18:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to Fathers everywhere:

So my Daddy and I have a very unique relationship. While we may look alike in some aspects: we have the same smile, nose etc. We have senses of humor that mirror eachother. Therefore that means that we get eachother's jokes more than other people. So when my Daddy says something funny I get it more than anyone else in the room and we end up laughing hysterically and the rest of the table looks at us and eachother wondering what it is that made us laugh so hard we cried.
Because his hysterics crack me up so much I cherish when I have voicemails from him, because I know what they are going to be before I listen to them. They will be a message in whatever foreign accent he is feeling that day. It might be a Tony Soprano style message asking me if i want some canoli or if I want to meet up to tie someone's feet to cinder blocks and throw them in the Hudson. Or perhaps it will be a Mexican accent telling me if I don't answer my phone that he might "have to stab you, mein." Perhaps he will be in a particularly witty mood and leave me one in his best Darth Vader saying "cecilia..... I am your Father."
So what do I do? I call him back, he intentionally doesn't answer so that we can continue on with our banter, and I leave him a message in my best British accent asking if he would like to "drop round' for a spot of tea later" or in my Chinese lady telling him that his order of "pok flied riice and egga-rolls are a-reddy in fib-a-teen a-minutes."

Guess there is a reason I'm halfway through my 20s and still call him Daddy. Sometimes we just don't grow up...

Wal-Mart Chronicles #2

2009-01-24T08:08:00.002-08:00

So here we go again, it is saturday morning and we all know what I am doing. I am climbing in my grandfathers 1993 Buick "A-La-Sabre" as Papa calls it "sounds much more sophisticated that way" to drive him to his FAVORITE place in the entire world, Wal-Mart. Let me describe this fine piece of machinery: #1 it is a 1993. #2 the passenger rear door won't open. #3 The trunk wont open and is holding his golf clubs hostage. #4 the starter is a little faulty so it takes 3-4 cranks to start the puppy up. #5 he insists that I drive him in that car each and every time we go because "it needs to feel the open road every once in a while."
So we get to Wally and I drop him off at the front door to which he says "I really need to get that handicapped sticker" "yes papa,"I say back (mind you he says this EVERY week) as I wath him grab on the the handles and the head rest and try and pull himself out of the car. He falls back, tries again, and makes it this time. I watch him and his blue quilted fleece vest that he wears each week because "it gets a bit nippy in there." I watch him and his cute little golf hat teeter into the store and I go to find a parking spot. As I walk in he is talking to Ms. Beverley and they are catching up on the specials this week. I walk in and ask her how she is which she responds "gooder than grits." "That is great" I reply making a mental note of the precious new phrase that I will have to remember to use. "Careful with this one" she says to Papa. "Remember last week." She of course is referencing the tragic death of not one, but two scooters on the hands on my grandfather; the one that died causing the great coffee spill and the other that died and he simply abandoned in produce and used the cart as a walker for the remainder of the trip. "It's not my fault they don't invest more in these things.." he grumbles. She pats him on the back and giggles and turns around to check somone's reciept. "Hmm..." he says as he plops down in the seat of the rascal and looks at it like he hasn't ever seen one before. It immediately starts beeping and jolting and wont make it over the mat that is between him and the store. "Doesn't work" he says. By this time I am laughing HYSTERICALLY. He puts it in reverse and almost back into the doors. He stops and studies it for a moment longer all the while the automatic doors opening and closing behind him. Beverly comes over and asks him what seems to be the problem "only goes backwards" he says with a puzzled look on his face. " Let me just get you another one" she says with her sweet smile and backs one out of the storage spot. "This one should suit you better" she says. By this time I am lauging so hard that I am tearing up. I think for a minute that I might embarass my self so I do a quick acessment- who am I kidding... Who is going to care? The lady with corn rows in the shape of a lighting bolt and a t-shirt that reads "I'm too blessed to be stressed- jesus loves me" or the lady with the pants/jacket windsuit set whose pantleg is caught in her tube sock. So I let loose- I am laughing so hard when he finally gets the new one I cant even hear their conversation. He wheels up to me and points at Ms. Beverly and says "Apparently I've been doing it wrong this whole time- you have to sit like this one the seat" and he perches on it like and old lady trying to see over her steering wheel. "oh...ok" I say, but he didn't hear me- he had already wheeled over to McDonalds and parked the scooter in the "cart parking" area. He hobbles over to the counter and as he passes a table I see them laughing so hard that they can't control it. Everyone is looking at this point because I still can't catch my breath from lauging for the last 10 minutes and these ladies are causing quite the rucus. Then I realize that they were laughing at papa too- They had witnessed the whole thing from their table while eating their egg Mcmuffin. He realized that they were laughing at him and as he passed their table he just threw his hands up in the air and said "I just couldn't get it to go." You would have thought that he was Dave Chappelle- They let out a chuckle that was surely heard throughout the store. He passes them with a shrug of this shoulder and a huge grin and goes up to the counter and promptly says "old folks coffee please" and the cashier laughs and says "I'll have to brew you some." "Do what you gotta do" he says and pays him. He passes his fans which also thought that was hilarious and comes over to me saying "get my coffee for me will ya? Two sugars. I'm going to the pharmacy." "K Pop" I say because sometimes I get lazy and don't add the "A" to Papa and just call him "Pop." So while the coffee is brewing I end up talking to these ladies who are STILL laughing uncontrollably. I tell them about how I bring him every week and he is always my comic relief. I tell him how I have to push around a buggy behind him because sometimes when his scotter basket gets full he just throws it behind him and hopes it is my buggy behind him and the story about the coffee tracks. We are dying when the guy finally brings me the coffee. By this time Papa has rolled back up to us with a jerky stop with his pepto max and adult diapers. "bye ladies" he says to them, takes his coffee and pulls his hat low and leans over the steering bar like he's racing and heads off to produce.
Papa goes through phases, he likes certain things, eats them all the time and then moves on to something else. Right now Cheerios are his vice. Let me tell you- this man drinks a gallon of milk and two boxes of cereal a week. I have never seen anything like it. So as I pass the cereal display I yell up to him, because he always wheels a bit ahead of me "Cheerios are on sale" "I like the wal-mart ones" he yells back without even turning around. It don't know what it is about those little round honey oatie spins that he loves, but he loves them.
We then walk down every aisle including the seasonal candy section even though I told him that it really wasnt necessary to buy the "i love you" written out in chocolate. We are trucking along and then I hear him yell "do you like Spam?" I look up from the crouton package I was looking at and everyone on the aisle is looking at us. He leans back in his scooter chair, looks at me, and takes a swig of his coffee. "Um, I don't know that I have ever had it." "Did you know that it is the national meat of Hawaii?" I was a little taken aback by the sheer randomness but I was so happy that he wasnt suggesting it for dinner that I let it go. "I don't think I did know that" I say and look back at the croutons. "You know why?" he asks still leaned back in his seat. "I don't know... they don't have a lot of farms there?" I ask/guess. "Back during the war.." he starts "Spam was a part of the soldiers rations and the hawaiians took a likin' to it." "Learn something new everyday" I say to him. "yep" he says as he whirls around, balances his coffee on the toilet paper and starts scooting off "learned that on the food channel" he says.
He whips around the corner and leans back to me saying "I really think I got a hold of this thing today" as it stops short dribbling a bit of coffee in his lap and then he gets stuck in a corner and proceeds to do a 10 point turn. "Pop, I think you've got it mastered at this point" I say sarcastically but he is too interested in the can't believe its not butter to hear me.
As I am unpacking both baskets onto the conveyer a man walks by us "He looks like a terrorist doesn't he?" he says to me. "My suggestion is if he looks like a terrorist, don't say that loud enough for him to hear." I say. "He sure is buying a lot of milk" papa says. Then as we are walking out he is right beside us and the security gate starts beeping. Ms Beverley goes to check out whats going on and Papa leans over and says "See, I told you, Terrorist."
By the time that I get to the car, unload all the groceries and am walking the cart back I turn around just in time to see Papa make it to the car, stop behind it, catch his teetery balance and kick the trunk. Guess he's pissed his golf clubs are stuck in there..
When we get home and unload the groceries Papa always finds the few things that I threw in while he was wheeling in front of me. It is usually some measly items like a frozen pizza or a bag of chips, but it looked good. Well he find the chips ahoy I stashed away and says "you're so sneaky, always putting something in the cart, opens the bag, winks at me, tucks them under his arm and heads to his bedroom to take a nap.

Wal-Mart

2009-01-24T08:08:00.001-08:00

THE WAL-MART CHRONICLES PART 1

2009-01-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to all the Grandpas around the world.

My saturday routine is to take my grandfather, Papa to Wal-mart and I would not trade our trips for anything in the world. It is a very good thing that I am over the whole "embarrased of my parent" stage in my life because the first 5 seconds in wally would probably lead me to hiding under a rock for the rest of my existance. There is a path, much like a map that he follows on our trips. It all starts out with a friendly greeting from our smiling face of Ms. Beverley in the front of the store and then she brings him a motorized scooter. (If there is no scooter then I am forced to walk across the Super Wal-Mart get one from the other side and drive it all the way across the store back to him.) Then he proceeds to wheel into the McDonalds that is two feet away, park his scooter and bargain his way into two senior coffees (Lord knows he won't pay the extra 60 cents for a normal one.)
We then proceed to go to the pharmacy where he gets gas pills, pepto, maylox, diapers, you know all the embarassing old people stuff (which I have to go out and get for him during the week if he runs out.) I can't forget that while crossing the store in his scooter while drinking his coffee he stops short and his coffee spilled all over the place. He tries to wheel away quickly so as no one to see, but unfortunately that dang rascally scooter drove right through it and there are two tire prints leading right to his maxwell house. He then proceeds to try and "turn the corner sharp" by whipping the scooter around as quickly as possible ripping down a poster of the zyrtec allergy lady on the way around. I just pick it up and stick it back to the display and pick up the 22 boxes of anthistamine that fell off.
Then off to the watch section because the timex that he bought the week before is "broken." He starts with Miss Bessie who tells him that he needs a box or a reciept (because he just stuck it in his pocket and brought it with him.) He grumbles a bit and wheels around to the watch display and tried to find the same one. I take the original watch from him and ask him what is wrong with it. " The time won't set on the dang thing. They just dont make them like they used to." I push two buttons and miraculously the time/date/military time are set. I just pat him on the back, he puts it on, waves to Ms. Bessie almost knocks over the sunglass display and we set off to produce.

GRANTED I KNOW I HAVE CHAMPAGNE TASTE ON A BUD LIGHT BUDGET, BUT COME ON LADIES....

2008-11-11T11:57:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to anyone who is strongly opposed to visible muffin tops.

Recently I was watching an episode of "what not to wear" with two of my absolute favorite stars, Clinton and Stacey.
Their newest tragedy was a precious girl who loved fairies and glitter. No- I mean I think she literally wanted to live in a tree stump and ask people to call her pixie.
I think that she had the best of intentions, and I know that not everyone can have taste that is all peaches and cream, but come on~ Fairy wings, in public? In July? Not even close to Halloween. One day out of the year is the max that you are allowed to wear this hideous attire. I mean this girl had 5 pairs of wings that coordinated with her polyester outfits.
I know I live in the south and we are notoriously conservative, but in L.A. people would just pass this girl in the street and not even look twice. Here, in GA where I live, they would think you need to be(option A) behind bars or (option B) In a home with 24hr supervision and optional arm restraints.
We might say y'all, drink sweet tea, and speak a little slower than most, but at least we know rules like "no seersucker after labor day" and "no mini-skirts after 35" and I know that maybe it can be bent now-a-days, but I personally hold on to the no white shoes before easter or after labor day rule, is it really necessary to wear them for longer than that?
We will give compliments like "you look pearl-tastic today" and recieve ones from our men like "I love that headband, I have a bowtie in the same pattern;" and are honest with our friends when they look like crap. {but it is always ended with a compliment ex:} "sorry honey, its not working for ya, lets go for something that shows off those great legs."
We say "bless their heart" before we say something bad about someone {and it is more than likely to their face ex:} "bless your heart, that outdoor couch has a lot of flowers on it, a slipcover would do it some good."
And most importantly we agree whole-heartedly with Clinton when he says "It's not a good deal if you look like $2.00.

I'LL LOVE YOU FOREVER, I'LL LIKE YOU FOR ALWAYS. AS LONG AS I'M LIVING MY BABY YOU'LL BE.

2008-10-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to the true loves of my life; My sassy, beautiful, rockin' girlfriends.

You have to be a friend to have a friend. What an interesting statement from an author that I don't know. For some reason or another as I am absolutely SLAMMED at work and have so much to do that I don't even know where to begin to tackle this mountain in front of me I started thinking about me. Am I the friend that my friends deserve? Maybe, sometimes. But sometimes I go overboard in my bossy, controlling nature. Yeah, Yeah, maybe I am halfway in control of my life, but why do I insist on being the back-seat drivers in theirs? I choose my friends carefully because as my grandfather has always said "you can't fly with eagles when you hang around with turkeys." I love my friends like family and I cannot, absolutely cannot imagine my life without them. I hate the thought of hurting their feelings, yelling at them, saying things that may need to be said but in a tone that I wouldn't appreciate. I know I am not perfect, and I may try to be, but the harsh reality is that I need to look to them, not myself, to be the person that I want to be, because I have to face facts- They make be want to be a better person or I wouldn't choose to have them be a part of my life.

So to you my friend that inspires me to turn off the tube and pick up a good read, cheers to you. To my friend that loves everyone with everything she has even when they hurt her, cheers to you. And to my friend who has a calendar, rolodex, and blackberry as a mind, cheers to you. To my friend who has taught me that it is not always about the appearance, but what is inside that matters, cheers to you. Here's to the friend that has taught me that true love does not rely on a timeline and your prince may come when you least expect it and literally sweep you off your feet, cheers to you. To my whole group of friends who taught me to not be so uptight and to dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening, love like you have never been hurt and to live like heaven begins tomorrow~ I raise my glass in a celebration of what we have become together and what the future may hold.

I look forward to the day where all of us are sitting side by side in rocking chairs drinking sweet tea and lemonade (who am kidding, vodka tonics and mimosas.) Reminiscing about the days that we ran around grabbing eachothers butts and overspending on dresses that made them look hot.

LABEL IT TO ME BABY

2008-10-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone whose friends started calling them something they hate and it stuck.
Also dedicated to "Stinky B" who doesn't even read this blog.

* The names have been changed to protect the innocent
I have a slight obsession with my label maker. Not only have I used my dymo to make each and every one of my files the same font and size because even though I am scary close to the definition of a slob in my bedroom I am ANAL RETENTIVE about my work files. Well, as it were my filing labels turned into labels for my co-workers, and by labels I mean nicknames, oh yeah! Way to bring a little fun to the crisis world. One of my co-workers constanly breaks out the button ups, boat shoes, and seersucker- hence the name Andrea "ralph Lauren is my baby daddy" Smith. Another coworker who had the unfortunate experience of overlooking her lady speed stick in the GA heat developed sweat rings and therefore became Jane "sexy pits" Anderson. I like to calm people down when they are having a bad day and in my world a laugh, especially at yourself, beats a nervous breakdown any day. So to my coworker who was freaking out: Ingrid "Too blessed to be stressed" Richards. And to my coworker who wears her slippers around the office you deserve the Paula "I'm too popular for my own shoes" Salem. To you my cubbie mate, who has been having dinner bi-weekly with the same man for the last two years, your information box will forever be labeled with Anna "He ain't my man" Matthews. You really have to watch what you do and say around my workplace because if you don't have blond hair to blame it on you might end up with a label stuck on your door.

ODE TO TECHNOLOGY AND ITS EVER CHANGING NATURE

2008-10-20T11:45:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who knows what 143 is.

Why is it that we are supposed to be accessible all times by our work and friends? I would like to be able to shut everything off and just enjoy solitude and quiet for even a weekend. Unfortunately technology has brought us closer together and ironically all we want to ever do is "get away."
Let's take my work for example, and I love my job, let me start with that disclaimer. Yet as an employee I need to be on call for them when they need me. So what do they do? They give me a pager, yes that is right I said a pager: can we say low-budget non-profit? They like to know that they can page me on my handy dandy beeper when they need me. Um, 1993 called and would like its mobile locating device back. Sadly enough I have been away for the beeper industry for so long that I barely know how to use the thing. Pretty embarrassing to have changed the batteries and the things buzzes incessantly. Won't stop, like a permanant vibrating pain in the arse. So what did I do? Drove my happy self down to the communications store and proceeded to tell them all the issues I was having with this fine piece of machinery (which belongs in the Museum of history if you ask me...) They then went on to explain to me that I had the batteries in upside down.. Such is life. Guess the pager is actually smarter than me. What a pity and blow to my self esteem.

Its funny because even though I have been with my company for a while now and I always carry my trusty pager I have never once been beeped, the whole staff reaches me on my cell phone. Sign of the times I suppose...

I'M IN THE MOOD FOR MOO SHOO...

2008-10-14T11:25:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who has ever driven out of their way to get that perfect slice of cheesecake.

Aren't craving funny things? My friend told me the other day that she woke up thinking she wanted a smoothie. Her eyes popped open and for one reason or another her body/mind/heart/soul (I don't really know where cravings come from, covering all my bases) told her that she wanted strawberries and bananas blended to perfection. She then proceed to leave the comfort of her home and go on an adventure to find the exact blended creation that she was looking for. What an odd thing cravings are. Why is it that we get "tastes for things" or a "hankerin'" for something? I heard a rumor once that we get these cravings because of the vitamins in the particular food that we want, for example, peanuts because they have protein or oranges for vitamin C. Why then do I have cravings for things like freshly baked chocolate cake and rice krispie treats? Is there a vitamin in the marshmallows or the cake mix that I don't know about? If only when my eyes popped open I could think... you know, some scrambled egg whites and a glass of soy milk would really hit the spot right now.

IS THERE A TECHINAL NAME FOR AN EMAIL ADDICT? INBOX JUNKIE?

2008-09-25T09:18:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who checks their email more than 5 times daily.

It is funny how emailing becomes a part of your day when you are at your desk staring at your computer for hours at a time. As a matter of fact when I don't get a "I'll be in a meeting" or "leaving for lunch, catch you in a bit" email I find myself worrying. After a matter of hours of not hearing from my friend i sent her this:
" Excuse me officer, can you help me make a missing persons report? My friend is missing. She is about 5'6', dancers body, cute pixie cut, 50 watt smile, contagious laugh, a purse big enough to nap in, more than likely wearing something designer, probably wearing flats and no mascara because it is a work day. Have you seen her? Could we put her on a milk carton?"
I used to be able to go a whole week or maybe even two without checking my email, but now I find myself refreshing my email screen every time my mind wanders from the report I am writing. Oh, what would life be like without cyberspace? Slow and out of touch I suppose. So open up your trusty hotmail account and crack a smile cuz baby...you've got mail!!!

WHY DO BAD MOODS EXIST? THEY ARE ABOUT AS USEFUL AS GNATS AND MOSQUITOS.

2008-09-24T12:31:00.001-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who has ever said "I would suggest that you step away from me right now."

Don't you hate those days when you wake up and as soon as your eyes pop open you know that it would have been a better idea not to? And guys, I don't want you reading this and thinking, "you know, my girlfriend is just like that," because you have your days too. I tell you what, the phrase "waking up on the wrong side of the bed" just doesn't even cover it. When I was a kid and woke up in poor spirits and dragged myself to the kitchen, my nana would always ask me, "did you eat tiger meat for breakfast?" Now that I look back on it, its kinda cute and honestly, I will probably say it one day, but back then I would want to shout, "no nana, I did not have tiger meat for breakfast. I am just now making it to the table because after I woke up my foot got caught in my sheet, I fell out of bed, hit my head on my closet and caught myself by grabbing the shirt I was gonna wear today and ripped it on the way down. " Isn't that just the way it goes? Everytime I'm in a bad mood it is like the spirits are aligned to mess with me. My dog, whom I love with all my heart, who is always good, will take thirty minutes to go to the bathroom. (you can always tell when I am in a bad mood because she goes from being called Gigi to "dog")I am definitely gonna spill coffee or jam on my shirt at breakfast and ketchup at lunch. I will slam my finger or foot in the door or hit my head. I will trip and almost fall, and sometimes do, along with the handful of stuff I am carrying. I will bite my cheek or tongue for no apparent reason and my hair will not do what I want it to. I think that doctors needs to look into this- I personally think society would be a lot nicer without bad moods. Let's stop focusing on this common cold stuff and focus on a "bad mood reliever" sort of the Tylenol of bad moods. Personally I think it would make millions and the divorce rate would be cut in half!

SAY CHEESE!

2008-09-24T09:21:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to all of you who had your eyes closed in your yearbook picture.

As if prepubesent life and then the dramatic change all to quickly (even if it seems to take forever) to an adolesence isn't embarassing enough it has to be documented every year. Yes, I am talking about picture day. Why is it that the school insists upon putting our faces on the the matte- glossy pages of the $35 diary of shame that they like to call a "yearbook." It really is sad that when we look back on these pages we can look at our hairstyle (was it nessisary for me to have those winnie cooper bangs) or our teeth, (pre-braces of course.) It is truly sad that we can look back at the pictures and remember the squeaking of our voices, the first blemishes (which of course popped up on picture day right on our forehead), the first time aunt flo came to visit, our first heartbreak (he looks goofy too, at least), and the never forgotten style of the times. Is that a pants/jumper im wearing? And in purple to boot? Are those sam and libbys? I bet they are worth something now. And no, girls I haven't forgotten about the side ponytail that our moms thought was so "adorable." Not adorable now. I am embarrased that these are the things that we have to look back on when someone says she went to your elementary school. Do you remember her? We go to our trusty yearbooks and go back and tell them, oh yes, I remember her, she had great style.

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD QUIT WATCHING DR. PHIL AND THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL. ONE EPISODE DOES NOT A THERAPIST MAKE.

2008-09-04T06:35:00.001-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who is tired of hearing peoples advice who dont know squat:

I was once told a story about an old lady who was always diagnosing her friends. One of her friends, who when she first met her future husband fell off the face of the earth, she didn't return phone calls sometimes for DAYS, never replied to emails or forwards that she would have previously replied to with a "HAHA! Loved it" now recieved none of the attention they truly deserved. So the lady daignosed her with "detachment disorder." Everyone around the bridge table agreed, oooh... yes definately... shen never comes around...Let me share with you the definition of detachment disorder- wait, there is no such thing...
Or how bout the time the friend of hers who decided to go off of her antidepressants and had a time dealing with the sadness. Some days she would be in a happy-go lucky mood and others she would find it hard to get out of bed. So once again the old lady dished out her diagnosis, right there on that bridge table on one of those days that the friend just didn't feel like coming. She definately has dissasociative disorder. Ooooh... Yes, that it. She doesn't even associate with us anymore. Let me again share with you a definition, this time of dissociative diorder, right out of the pages of Wikipedia: Dissociative Identity Disorder ( DID ), as defined by the American Psychiatric Association 's Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a condition in which a single person displays multiple distinct identities or personalities , each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the environment. [1] The diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual's behavior with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be due to substance abuse or medical condition. Yep, definately sounds like what her friend has. I am so glad the old lady was there to identify her problems, now she can get the help that she needs.
How bout the time that one of her friends brought her 8 yr old little boy with her to the bridge game? Well, let see.. here are his symptoms, he hopped around on one foot alot, tended to jump from one subject to the other when talking to the ladies, and when he went outside his favorite pastime was to chase the cat around until it ran up a tree and then he would stand under it barking. Sometimes he would sneak into the kitchen and climb up on the counter to reach the cookies on top of the fridge. At the next bridge game when they weren't there she diagnosed him with autism. This time the ladies agreed a little more hesitantly thinking of example of autism that they were familiar with (think Rainman ) . "hmmm.. yeah, I guess that could be it" they said, talking themselves into the idea. Here is the definition: Autism is a brain development disorder that impairs social interaction and communication and causes restricted and repetitive behavior, all starting before a child is three years old. Autism is one of the five pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), which are characterized by widespread abnormalities of social interactions and communication, and severely restricted interests and highly repetitive behavior. Many children with autism engage in repetitive movements such as rocking and twirling, or in self-abusive behavior such as biting or head-banging. I Think this is definately what the little boy has- once again good thing that the old lady was there to tell everyone!
After doing a little research her friends found out that the first friend; turns out she had a case of getting bit by the love bug with a touch of couldn't get out of bed (if you know what I mean.) The second friend had a case of "I'm sick-o-yo-sh#+." And the child, had to pee, hence the hopping, a hint of hyperactivity, see the subject jumping, and alot of boy will be boys, aka chasing the cat up a tree and stealing cookies.
The Bridge group got together to confront the old lady, feeling a little upset that she had shamed these people and made them think that all of their friends had psychiatric disorders. And to their accusations she said "what would I know, I'm a florist."

THE TALES OF CBASS AND HER RIVER RATS

2008-08-25T15:49:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to those that love summer- minus the 110 degree heat:

I cannot think of too many things that are sadder than the end of summer. Summer encompasses so many things that are linked to great memories, whether ones that are made already, or ones that are waiting to be made. I personally made some great ones this weekend on what i suspect will be the last of the summer boat cruises. Well, my friends and I had planned a spectacular event on the river on one saturday that we could all get together- when does that EVER happen? Of course our great garden city has been in a drought for the whole summer, but this particular saturday the clouds decided to give the foliage some relief and us some grief. We had the day planned perfectly. My overcomitted friend would go work at the fundraising golf tourney in the morning, while I spent my morning doing a whole lot of uncommited nothing (which is the way I like my saturday mornings to go, quite frankly.) Then we would meet at the boat-owners house, pick up some wife saver, (and for those of you who are not familiar #1 I am sorry and #2 best southern food around) grab beer and ice and get on the water. Seems like a flawless plan, right? Not. We finally got to the river and that's when things got soggy (pun intended.)
We put the boat in at a place I have never been, very nice area, not too many people around, pretty greenery, a few friendly folks fishin', a true picturesque day on the river. We pulled around the first corner and past the first cove, waved to some adventurous teens swimming off-shore, and stopped under a pretty bridge that was a part of a golf cart path where we could see the pretty bunkers and greens. Such a nice place to eat our chicken and fried okra and macaroni and cheese (and "don't forget the nana' puddin'".) Yeah, until God gave the clouds the "OK" and the sky fell out in front of us. At times it was raining on only one side of the bridge, very intriuging, then at times the bridge was leaking (but don't worry we formed water catching devices from styrophome containers left over from lunch.) We watched a beaver building a dam and actually gave him what we thought was a clever name, Ralphie, because we thought he was a rat at first and "ralphie the rat" flowed so well.. Then someone jumped in from the bridge above and I think actually gave my friend larangitus from yelling so loudly and the other whiplash from turning her neck so quickly to check out what the splash was about.
Well, after what seemed like quite a while the rain let up a little and we decided to carry on with our journey in the determined fashion that we started the 40% chance of rain saturday that it was. We cruised along covering ourselves with towels to keep the rain from pelting us and decided to explore a little known cove in one of the inlets. We dodged a fallen tree to the right and lifted the motor to get over a submerged log. Then we chose right or left, left looked a little less leafy, so we went that way, only getting slapped by three limbs along the way. We entered this beautiful unexplored garden of flowers that my friends kept telling me were poisonious. I wonder, are they poison only if eaten or if you touch them too? They were the prettiest ones; good thing they told me or I might have picked them and put them on my kitchen table and the death of my family would have been so tragic. We thought this was the most beautiful spot we had ever seen until suddenly we saw a snake slithering towards us: "a copper mouth" I yelled! Not realizing what I had said and hearing them snicker I tried to correct my self "cotton head" no that can't be right! Man, I deserve to fail biology when we learned about reptiles, or are they amphibians. Nevermind, they ended up calling it a rattlestick in the end just to spite me. We spent the majority of the afternoon in this pretty cove until we realized that was where the spiders lived and we trucked it out of there, because they came on the boat to tell us that our presence was not welcome there anymore.
Once we got onto the open water us girls who were already wet and felt as if creepy crawlers were on us decided we were going to jump in. As we one by one hopped in (because if we didn't we would get pushed) our hearts skipped a beat as our bodies hit the water. " I feel like the girl in titanic" one commented "it feels like melted ice" another of us said. So we decided that the leisurely afternoon swim was going to have to be diminished to a dive that we should have never made. We were all fighting to get out of the water and falling back in, "come to the back it is easier to get out" the smart friend who didn't jump in called out from the boat. The first friend got out, no problem, the second who couldn't quit laughing took three (or four or five tries) and lastly I dragged my body into the boat, new bruises and all. Suggestion to all who go swimming off a boat- make sure there is a ladder before you jump in. Suggestion to all who own a boat- invest in a ladder. Suggestion to all who go out in a boat- check the weather, and take heed.
Although our adventures turned out to be a good time, I would consider consulting meterorologist Jeff Rucker the next time we decide to go out on the boat. After all isn't he right about half the time?

SORRY LADIES AND GENTS, THE TRUTH IS YOU WON'T MAKE 100 GRAND OUT OF COLLEGE!

2008-08-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to anyone who had to suffer through their first job out of college:

For those of you that graduated, found your dream job and are as happy as a lark with what you are doing then more power to ya, it doesn't happen much. Most of us had jobs renting cars (which also means washing the nasty things,) selling trailers, working retail and dealing with customers who need someone to yell at, working 50-60 hours a week for a boss that doesn't even appreciate us and lays you off first chance they get (they lost the best employee they ever had, my friend), or just hating what you do because you became a psychology major and couldn't find a job that had anything to do with it (I know, I know, my parents told me that would happen.) Well, I will tell you what I am glad I am past that first job stage, and I along with about half of my friends started out renting cars. The job really wouldn't have been so bad if wasn't for the hours, the customers, the heat, the cold, washing the cars, the a$$holes that weren't satisfied with the chevy cobalt or the dodge caravan, the incessant rate quotes (because they thought the price would change in 30 minutes, um...yes sir, I do recognize your voice..) And for the record, the best part of the job was the people and I LOVE THEM AND MISS THEM, the job just wasn't for me. But they will also feel these frustrations. I worked as a waitress in college and loved the fact that after I graduated I would move onto a job that kept me from spilling ketchup all over myself. I thought that would be the best thing in the world. Little did I know that I would go from spilling ketchup to spilling soapy water and window cleaner on myself everyday. I spent my first year and a half of being a "real person" being a slave to the man in the car business. Now if money is what drives you then car rental is the way to go because if you think about it, everyone needs wheels, sensible business. But I personally traded in my car washing hat for a non-profit (which I have since figured out means not for money) victims services hat. I love my new job, but as my grandmother says I get paid in hugs. Ever since the day I decided to leave my first job I vowed I would not wash another car, and I haven't...and Damn is my car dirty.

TALES OF CARS WITH CHARACTER (CRAPPY)

2008-08-21T07:48:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who has had to drive an embarassing car:

Well, my precious cousin, who I really think of as my sister, is on her way to Athens today to pick up her new car! What an exciting time- I remember getting my first new car: wait... what am I talking about?! I had to drive my Grandfather's 1990 Pontiac Grand Prix that had been handed down from my Nana to my Papa because some shrimp spilled in the trunk on our beach vacation, and even though he had it professionally cleaned she could still smell it, and the truth is, if the day was hot enough, you could. The poor car shorted out all the time for no apparent reason so you couldn't brake for squirrels or the dang thing would just quit on you. Sometimes it would even quit for no reason going up a hill and you would just start to RoLL back down- fun times.... I think everytime my friends and I went somewhere they would opt to drive. We actually nicknamed the poor guy the POS (piece of s%#T) 2000. I do have to say that it hurt my pride a little when I was shorted out on the side of the road and then teens in their convertable audi stopped and asked me if I needed help. "No!!! I am fine, it just needs to rest!" (as I was trying to call my parents on my Zach Morris phone which NEVER had service.) I was also was awarded the front spot at school that year, so not only did I have to drive the car, but you could see it glinting in the sun if you looked out of the cafeteria! It looked even worse next to the land rover, Z3, and benz parked beside it. I have to admit, it is really nice to have a good dependable car, but crappy car stories are the best, they really do build character. Things like the ability to crank your car up with a key and take it out, yet the car still runs, is the stuff of the movies, which is one friends story, or another similar story where she could take the keys out of her Dodge Fox to open the glove box and then put them back in the ignition, all while driving! Continuing with the Fox episodes, it had no air, so a tiny fan was plugged into the cigarette lighter and attached to the dash for a nice breeze, the drivers side outside latch was broken so she had to manually roll down her window (yes manually, they weren't always automatic) to turn her key in the door to open it and get out. This is not to even mentioning how she carried around fan belts to replace hers that popped off on a regular basis! Or how bout my friend whose drivers side lock is broken so you have to crawl in the passenger side to let yourself in, or how the driver window doesn't roll down so you have to lay your seat back to the back window to get your drive-thru. Or how bout a loose windshield wiper switch that randomly turns on as you are driving down the road- truly priceless! Now as an adult I have a pretty nice car, one I am not embarrased of, but it seems to be in the shop quite a bit. So not only do I get the pleasure of throwing hundreds of my sweat and tears into my car, but to add serious insult to injury I am back to driving my Grandfather's sweet LeSabre,which is what he replaced the Gran Prix with. At least I know I won't get a ticket, it is hard enough to get it up to the speed limit, and plus they think I am little old lady and what heartless policemen is gonna give them a ticket?

THEY SAY HELL IS SIMLIAR TO A DOCTOR'S WAITING ROOM

2008-08-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone who has ever been to the doctor (aka everyone):

What is it about Doctor's offices that make you feel so, well, sounds pretty elementary, but... ICKY. I don't know if it is the waiting room portion where you have to stand in line behind the man in a walker who is by himself and you are hoping to goodness that he didn't drive himself there considering he can barely take a seat without assitance in order to check in. It might be the part where you are forced to read magazines that you aren't interested in because all the ones you like are already taken. Or maybe it is the obnoxiously loud soap opera blaring in the background "oh Carlos...it is your baby dum dum daaa....." Possibly it is the lady in the corner talking on the phone so loudly in her thick asian accent thinking that because she is "in the corner" no one can hear her talking to her son Chow Min about the bad grade he got in math and what they are having for dinner and if he has fed the cat... Then there is the whole fact that you spend your time pretending to read the uniteresting airplane magazine in front of you all the while thinking "I wonder why they are here." Then the person beside you coughs and you move your arm off the rest thinking "oh, GOD! what if it is the bird flu?!!" Then someone across the room sneezes and then coughs and blows their nose, twice, to which your reaction is a simple "gross." We worry so much about these people, hoping that we don't catch what they have, when in all reality most of the people in that room are probably just there in order to adjust their antidepressants.

GO FOR GOLD, IT'S SO SHINY!!

2008-08-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

Dedicated to anyone dedicated to the Olympics..

Ah, well it is that time of the year...er...well...that time of every fourth I should say, you know; the SUMMER OLYMPICS! First let me tell you that I am addicted to the olympics. I don't even like pole vaulting or discus throwing or shotput on a normal day, but put up some flags and slap a USA jersey on an althlete and I am riveted. I have never in my life been so interested in 8 lanes of speedo sportin', swim cap wearin', goggle lovin' men in my life until we start winning ungodly amounts of gold medals.
May I mention beach volleyball for one moment? Number one- never been so perplexed about a strange black "humungus tatooo" (as my two year old cousin says) on the shoulder of someone, but lo and behold USA is on her back, so I want to know, dang it! (and yes, I did google it and the mystery was explained- athletic tape to help with stress and pressure.) Number two- it is hard enough to tote my cooler/chair/umbrella/boogie board/innertube/sunscreen down to the beach in that sand. How do they possibly make it look so easy? Rock on May-Walsh!!
Can I give a shout out to the little known sports?!!! How bout the trampolinists!! Sweet flips and turns ladies. How bout syncronized diving. Wow, that is all I can say about that.
Now onto the favorite of the summer olympics, gymnastics. Honestly, can't say enough. Really, the truth is I can't say anything because I am so fatigued from staying up until 2am watching the coverage. One vent though- are those little China dolls 16? If they truly are then I wish everyone would let it go! Becuase if they are they do not deserve to have their wins and accomplishments tainted by this accusal from the world, but aren't they just so cute I just want to pinch their wittle cheekies.
I love the Olympics, but I am ready to get back to giving my pillow the attention it deserves.

WHAT WOULD YOUR BUTTON SAY?

2008-08-20T08:54:00.000-07:00

This is dedicated to my sisters and brothers who 'hate the player and the dating game':

As my friend and I sat at a bar (where so many wonderful philosophies are born) looking around the room at the men and women, we were both instantly frustrated with dating. We then came up with the theory of "buttons." Yeah yeah, I am gonna explain it.... Wouldn't life be so much easier if everyone wore a campaign style button on their shirt that said exactly what they wanted out of relationship? For example, let's say your button clearly stated "single, free-spirited, outdoorsy, looking for a relationship" and you walked by a guy that had a button that said "single, organized, fisherman, not looking for anything serious." Then, right there at that moment you have that fatheresque, sitting the in living room with a shotgun, "what are your intentions talk" without even saying a single word. You would know that, clearly this man, or woman, would be blatant waste of your time. Even though he/she might be cute, nice, a good dresser, nice hair, a great smile, looks great in blue, and has the same interests as you, you know without a doubt that he/she doesn't want the same things as you. See there, just saved you two of the best years of your life with one button.

"I DON'T HAVE A BABY, EVERYBODY DRINK!" -Samantha Jones

2008-08-19T12:29:00.001-07:00

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

This is dedicated to anyone who has had to listen to pregnancy stories and was strongly compelled to adopt:

Never being pregnant myself, it is a real mystery to me. I feel as if I am surrounded by pregnant woman constantly telling me stories that, quite honestly, I don't want to hear. Baffling, really. You say the phrase "coffee and cheetos dont mix very well" because you, as a non-preggo didn't eat breakfast and scrounged up the only thing in the office to eat and it turned out not to with go well with your usual morning drink, and it makes them gag. But lunch conversation is about how certain foods (which may be on your plate) make or made them puke and this is somehow acceptable conversation. Guess it is an easy way to diet, but there are starving children in Somalia that would have enjoyed that BBQ chicken that I can now not bring myself to eat, that is if the jolie-pitts didn't adopt them yet, of course.

MOVING IN THE HEAT

2008-08-19T08:07:00.001-07:00

This is dedicated to anyone who has ever had to experience the misery of moving in the GA heat:

I was reminded of the sort of hellacious experience it is to move into and apartment, not to mention a 3rd floor one, in the middle of summer by my friend this weekend. There are so many things to think about when you are moving; deposits, pets, landlords, turning on electricity, dealing with storage units. It really is enough to make your head spin. So lets start with the landlords, um, ever heard of an emergency contact? What is up with people that we pay our hard earned money to not being accessible in this overly accessible society? On to GA Power, When I think about her and her family trying to work with the notoriously hard to work with GA power to get her air turned on in the middle of the sweltering summer heat it makes my stomach churn a little. Is it too much to ask that a representative flip a switch for a sista? I mean really?! As I think of them standing outside of their cars drinking a warm gatorade, trying to keep from dehydrating it lights a little fire inside of me. On to storage units, who says a man that you pay cash to each month for a little box with no heat or air can try and hold YOUR things hostage? What a ridiculous excuse for a business man, no office, no drop box, no ethics, um... can we say po-dunk? Well, the good news is my friend is moved in, no one passed out and I'm thinking what she really needs is a gnome by her front door to bring her some much needed good luck to come her way, who knows, maybe it will even be an Atlanta Braves gnome and it will bring them some luck as well, Lord knows they need it.

7 EATING HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

2008-08-19T08:04:00.001-07:00

This is dedicated to the women, and hell, men who are fighting the battle of the bulge:

As women we are usually looking for some motivation to lose those few pounds that we are so scared are going to become the dreaded "spare tire" or the awful "love handle" or the simply scary "cottage cheese thighs." So among my many adventures this weekend I picked up a book that was suggested by a friend. It will remain unnamed, but those of you who have read it will know what I am talking about. Now, don't misunderstand me, those of you whom this has worked for, more power to ya, especially the friend that suggested it to me, cuz girl- you never looked better. But I, for one, don't like to be scared out of eating something. The fact that you call a steak or a porkchop "a carcass of a pig or a cow" doesn't scare me away. Granted I had not ever thought of it in exactly that way, but I was pretty aware that the thick, juicy, scrumptious, medium rare steak in front of me was actually mooing at one time or another.