Why does the "weight loss" industry insist on spending money on pills that could hurt our heart or drinks that taste like feet?  If they would shift their focus to things such as "taste bud" research i think it would go alot farther. 
 
To explain my hypothesis:  if we research which taste buds make you like whipped cream and chocolate covered cherries and replace them with ones that love spinich and apples then we would all be thinner.  No Jenny Craig, no "kirstie Alley's big life" reality series.  Just a much healthier society.  Why can't america get it throught their skulls?  we are unhealthy because we a fat.  Fat clogs arteries, fat puts more pressure on your muscles, fat makes every organ in your body work harder.  And listen, I am preaching to myself because, like 98.9% of America I could stand to lose a few, but I know why.  I need to love sugar free yogurt and whole wheat pasta.  But, if you could fix my taste buds, i would never have to worry about it.  If when I took a bit of peppermint ice cream drizzled with chocolate gnocce and it tasted like bad milk I'd probably stay away. 
 
It would be an elective procedure, much like lasik surgery, and would pose few risks, minus the harming of your mother's feelings when you no longer love her famous pinapple cake.  Sign me up, doc! I'd be first in line!

I have been picking on my friend, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com, about being a baby lover ever since her niece was born.  This woman was a cold hearted diva when it came to younguns like a week ago.  Now it is total mother goose mode.  I absolutely love to see this shift in her.  It is like she got to the Wizard of Oz, clicked her heels and got her baby love.  Its presh, absolutely presh.  Now me, I’m a self proclaimed baby lover.  I love a baby.  I want to hold a baby, I want to smell a freshly Johnson and Johnson powdered baby, I want to rock a baby, I want to kiss baby cheeks and make babies laugh. The funny thing is you just don’t have any idea how much you love a baby until you have one in your family. Unless it has a dirty diaper that stinks up the place.  That’s when reality kicks in and I’m happy that it’s their baby.   
 
Three cheers to my friend, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com and her newfound love for the bambinos in this world.  May you be there for all of the important moments in your new love’s life.  May you always know the right words to say to make her happy and all the ones to say when she’s sad. 
 
Babies are Angels that fly to the earth,

their wings disappear at the time of their birth

one look in their eyes and we're never the same

They're part of us now and that part has a name

That part is your heart and a bond that won't sever

our Babies are Angels, we love them forever.

~Unknown~

Lohan

Ok, so I know too many precious girls named Lindsay and I hate that they have to share their name with this hollywood "star" so I am going to refer to her as Lohan, which is fitting considering she gets that name from her dearly beloved upstanding citizen of a padre.

In case you aren't familiar let me give you the skinny, no pun intended considering her third world looking bod. So- sister acts a fool, becomes a lesbian, gets wasted face constantly and then gets into a whole bunch of wrecks, gets a couple DUI's and has to wear an alcohol detecting ankle bracelet to make sure she isn't drinking herself into one of her usual ridiculous escapades. So Girlfriend decides that she, in all of her fabulousness, need not attend her scheduled court date to talk about her skipping out on her alocohol and drug abuse classes. She claims she was at a movie premeire in London and someone stole her passport. Um, as the card game says, "bullsh*t." Lady- we all know you weren't at a movie premeire, you haven't had a starring role since the parent trap. Get it together ginger- you're life is in the toilet and your headed to the slammer. I'm sure the "F*$> U" you painted on your fingernail to celebrate the occasion of showing up for the judge didn't help your case. A Real class act you are, Lohan. Enjoy your 90 days in jail and your inpatient rehab. Chin up Low, it might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.

the fourth of July

"Happy Birthday, America" as my 3 year old cousin has been saying.

Interpretation

Val pal just sent me a text message that simply read "I want vodka for dinner."
Show of hands for those thinking she is having a rough one (hand raised.)

Livin it up cottage style

 Val Pal and I live in a quaint little cottage and love every minute of it.  But we find ourselves deleting the word "home" from our everyday vocab.  It is actually quite humorous.  "What are you doing tonight?" someone asks me.  "Hanging out at the cottage, maybe doing some laundry." Sounds a lot better than "nothing- staying at home by myself and washing clothes."  But today I found myself saying the phrase "clean cottage" as opposed to "clean house" I felt slightly like Snow White sans Prince Charming and the 7 dwarfs.  All we have is a giant mastiff who lives in the main house who makes himself at home in our living area.  Cottage living is great- the bills are low, the lighting is good and it seems like vacation all the time.  Funny how just one word makes our living situation seem so much more glamourous.  I bet J-Lo refers to her second home as her cottage all while drinking Perrier in her louboutins.  

The meaning of life?

Today I saw a friend that is recovering from pink eye. Bless his heart he has been miserable and on top of it all in isolation to keep from spreading it around. After is saw him and gave him my best 'get well' salutation he said something that made me think. He said that the worst part about it was being quarintined. He hated not being surrounded by people, but maybe this was God's way of telling him to slow down and "be still and know that I am the Lord." to which my response was "or maybe you just have pink eye." do we really "philosophize" everything in that way? Is the rationalization of eveything bad that happens in our life neccisary? I began thinking back to other situations in life where this is the underlying message. For example, if you break up with your significant other someone will tell you that you "learned something" from this relationship. Im not sure about you guys, but I don't know if I beleive that. Heartbreak straight up sucks ass. And I can pretty much tell you that the music knowledge that I acquired from this particular "love of my life" was not worth feeling like my most vital organ was being ripped from my chest. Not quite sure what the message was there. I am definately a Christian woman and I beleive in God and His will to be done, but I also beleive that we are human and this this life and this earth is flawed. Please tell me what the message was during hurricane Katrina? All of those lost and devastated lives, to never return to what they knew before. The earthquakes in Haiti? Completely flooring and shaking the very core of one of the poorest nations in the world. Why do these things happen? Because WE make mistakes, because our planet has natural disasters. God is the perfect Being. He knows the way and the truth, but it is our feet that WE must train to walk along the right path towards Him and learn to accept that sometimes there are setbacks and bumps that turn up and it is our responsibility to conquer them. I suppose everyone bears their hardships differently, some folks rationalize. Some find life lessons. Personally, I think sometimes life just sucks, but you can bet your bottom dollar that the Big Guy is on your side watching your back and you'll get through it together.        

Eat more chicken

I once convinced my entire sorority that Chik-Fil-A ice cream was fat free. I wasn't trying to pull a 'mean girls' moment, i promise.  I simply wanted to go get a sweet treat and one of my friends refused to go because it was so fattening.  I simply told her with a big goofy smirk on my face, assuming that she would catch the sarcasm, that this ice cream was guilt free and fat free.  Well- that girl could talk.  The Chik-Fil-A should have given me free ice cream for life because I am pretty sure that our chapter bought it by the gallon after that.  I finally told the poor girl that I was kidding and she spread the news around.  But I tell ya, for a while there ADPI was officially chik-fil-a ice cream's biggest fan.

Dr. Q

 I recently had a friend say that as a 27 year old man he would pick, out of any celebrity out there, to go out with Jane Seymour. 
Bro, did you just say you wanted to take out Dr. Quinn? She was cool back when Blossom was cool and straw hats with sunflowers hot glued to them.  She is like 7 years older than my mom.  I mean its cool, I am sure that she would totally appreciate the automatic cougar status and the opportunity to attend your fraternity's annual beer pong tourney, but I am pretty sure monday-friday she will be tending to her organic garden and attending her children's college graduation. 
Don't get me wrong... two snaps up for not picking Hannah Montana or Hillary Duff, although I think they are both approaching legality.  Plus, I would give up chocolate for life if it meant looking like Dr. Quinn at her current age. But hons, no one really thinks Aston and Demi are that cute especially now that her daughter in turning into one smokin hot babe that he should be courting.
With that being said, I have to make a confession- Richard Gere is beautiful.  Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.  Go head', time to bust my balls...
once again... just keeping it real,
Cbass

The friendship code

I am not saying that I am popular or that a lot of people like me, but the friends that I have and I trust are great friends.  We don't have a contract that we sign and we don't talk about these things explicitly, but this is why I let loose around these girls.
We tell eachother what's up.  If I have something in my teeth- tell me. If my skirt is too tight- tell me.  If my ass is getting fat and I need to hit up the gym- tell me. 
DO NOT under any circumstances tell me "as a friend" that you can do something for me to make me "like" you or "trust" you.  If you cannot do something for me or not sure that you can, then be HONEST.  It is not that difficult and I will respect you for it. 
RESPECT.  That is what this is all about.  The women that I call my friends, I look up to them, they make me better people.  They watch my back, they take care of me. They do what they can for me, even if it means going above and beyond.  Sometimes, just sometimes, you can't do those things.  Tell me why- explain it to me.  Don't just not follow through with whatever the promise is and not tell me.  If your boss is pressuring you, or your mom is sick, or you are sick, or your dog is sick or your hamster died.  I get it.  I am a very sypathetic person- perhaps more than I should be sometimes.  But- I get it.  Don't feed me rotton bologna. Just tell me the TRUTH.  There is that word again...  Some people may call me brutally honest... go ahead, if I can dish it I have got to be able to take it.  Hell, most of the time it stings coming back to me. But- when it comes from my girls its ok. Because I know that they have my best interest at heart. 
just keepin it real,
Cbass.

Maybe I sort of get it... What a wise man!

In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years.
Abraham Lincoln
 
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Abraham Lincoln
 
Whatever you are, be a good one.
Abraham Lincoln

When I am getting ready to reason with a man, I spend one-third of my time thinking about myself and what I am going to say and two-thirds about him and what he is going to say.
Abraham Lincoln

When I do good, I feel good. When I do bad, I feel bad. That's my religion.
Abraham Lincoln

When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.
Abraham Lincoln

When you have got an elephant by the hind legs and he is trying to run away, it's best to let him run.
Abraham Lincoln

Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
Abraham Lincoln

With Malice toward none, with charity for all, with firmness in the right, as God gives us to see the right, let us strive on to finish the work we are in, to bind up the nation's wounds.
Abraham Lincoln

With public sentiment, nothing can fail. Without it, nothing can succeed.
Abraham Lincoln

With the fearful strain that is on me night and day, if I did not laugh I should die.
Abraham Lincoln

You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot build character and courage by taking away a man's initiative and independence.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.
Abraham Lincoln

You cannot help men permanently by doing for them what they could and should do for themselves.
Abraham Lincoln

You have to do your own growing no matter how tall your grandfather was.
Abraham Lincoln
 
If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.
Abraham Lincoln
 
Bix
"I have been shown in the files of the War Department a statement of the
Adjutant General of Massachusetts, that you are the mother of five sons
who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless
must be any words of mine which should attempt to beguile you from the
grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you
the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the Republic they died to
save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your
bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and
lost, and the solemn pride that must be yours, to have laid so costly a sacrifice
upon the altar of Freedom."
Abraham Lincoln
Source: November 21, 1864 - Letter to Mrs. Lydia Bixby

I told this story to a friend the other day and his response was "you must blog about this" so here goes..
My Daddy is a very unique individual. I love him with all of my heart, but sometimes he marches to a beat of a different drummer (guess that's where I get it...) He is a very thoughtful man and would literally give the shirt off of his back for someone, I've actually seen him do it.  But sometimes  he does things that baffle me. 
Let me set the tone, this is circa 1994, Christmas day and I am 11 years old. I have been tearing through presents at record speed and having the best time.  My grandparents have given me the most amazing presents and my aunts have outdone themselves.  Although my presents were most impressive I have been eyeing the HUGE present in the corner since I came be-bopping to the Tree way to early to open anything.  My Dad had made a huge fuss about this present and how much I would like it.  For goodness sake, the thing wasn't even wrapped, it just had a blanket thrown over it.  It had to be the be all and end all of all presents.  Well, after I patiently wait for everyone to open up all of their presents I look at my Dad with puppy dog eyes and ask him if I can PLEASE open my present now.  He does the whole "ready...set...go...wait...stop..." Dad thing until I am starting to pout. "Ok Cecilia- go get it!" I anxiously pull off the blanket like Ralphie opening up his Red Rider and the most confusing thing happens.  Once the present is uncovered and my Dad is jumping on one foot waiting for my reaction I look at him puzzled.  In my hand, almost larger than I can pick up, was a GIANT picture of Abraham Lincoln framed and matted. Even as a little kid I knew this was a nice, expensive picture.  But I was 11, and it was a picture of Abraham Lincoln.  My whole family turned to my Dad in sheer amazement and wondered what he was thinking... "I just noted that I figured it was a bike, thanked him and went on with my business." I guess my Dad and I don't share the same love for this instrumental founding father, but he better look out... He might just get a framed picture of Martha Washington for Father's Day.

So I set down to jacksonville, FL a couple of weekends ago and it was exactly what I needed.  My friend Jacque lives there, as I have mentioned before, and is the reason that the town is now forever deemed "Jacqueville." So I took off down there on a friday afternoon and spent the weekend with her and her dog.  Oh, and my Gigi rode along as well.  This was the first time that these puppies have seen eachother in a year and a half and they spent the first three of their puppy lives together- everyday!  So needless to say, both my pup and I were estatic to make this journey.  
So on my way down I called Jacque to let her know that I would expect a cocktail ready upon my arrival and I would also be starving to death.  Being Catholic I reminded her that although I was starving I couldn't have anything with meat since it was a Friday during the Lenten season. She stops for a second and blurts out "Oh...is it still passover?" I knew from then that this was going to be the "getaway" that I really needed.  Then she says to me "I bought 6 bottles of wine, 5 of them the man at the store told me were delicious and full-bodied and the last one had a giraffe on it, and like giraffes so I bought it; but I still don't know what I want to drink."
So I finally trail into her house close to 11pm.  We start talking and ooh-ing and aww-ing at our dogs reuinting that we forget all about eating.   Finally when I hear the deafening roar of my belly I remind her of my starvation.  By this time we were well into the 1 pm hour and my meat fast had passed so she went into her fridge and began rooting around.  "Well." she says with her head and shoulders still in the refridgerator. "I have some pizzas and some eggrolls. Shoot- I got some bacon if you want to go all out."  I laughed until I cried. 
I spent the next two days with Jacque and I felt like I was home again.  We had lived together until about a year and half ago when she ran off and got married and moved away.  Now her husband is delpoyed and while being with her I began to remember all of the wonderful things that I miss so much from living with her.  One of my favorite memories of jacque is that after a long hard work day that happened to fall on my birthday I came home to the most ghetto birthday decoration scheme ever.  There were streamers on the doors held on with duct tape (this girl hearts some duct tape) there were streamers surrounding my toilet so I had to cut them off to use it. Even in true jacque style there were fake roaches scattered throughout.  When I took it all in and heard her shouting "surprise" I looked above her head to see lettering thumbtacked to our far wall.  I looked over her, cocked my head and said "Happy New Year?" Jacque turned around and read the sign she had bought for my birthday. "OH MY GAH! I didn't even notice!" The girl had bought a happy new year sign to hang up for my birthday! What a mess!  We took tequila shots and laughed about it all night.
This trip solidified all of these memories and help me to create even more that I can't wait to share. Like tapping me on the shoulder in the morning with a bottle of champagne and a bottle of OJ and simply saying "wake up bitch."Later that day we took our doggies to the beach and let them run around while we drank mimosas out of a nalgene bottle. It was my pup's first trip to the sand and shore and she totally loved it.  Her prissy self took to the beach like a fish to water.  She ran around nipping at jackson's heels and sniffing at seashells.  She even made some new friends that were walking with their masters.  It was so fun to be able to let her run free and see her enjoy a new experience (btw-I'm gonna be ridiculous if I ever have kids if I'm this excited about my dog.) We let them run all of their energy out and decided it was time for some grub.  We took them home to rest and went to some seashore hole in the wall and ate our weight in crablegs- it was heavenly.  While walking up to this resaturant I noticed quite a bit of riff-raff, if you will, hanging around.  I mentioned this to my dear friend to which her response was "Jacksonville"she said. "Jacqueville" I corrected her. "Oh sorry, Jacqueville would be the ideal place to be homeless." I looked up from the crab claw I was struggling with, looked her in the eye and said "please do elaborate Miss Thang." "Well, think about it, the weather is mild, there are public restrooms and showers everywhere. Plus, stupid drunk tourists come down here and go play in the water leaving all their stuff behind on the beach. A homeless person and their dog (because of course the homeless man in her mind has a pooch) could totally rack up.  Ipods, phones, money...shoot it's like a treasure chest out there." Sadly I found myself shaking my head thinking that this diluted thought process, which she had apparently thought about a lot could actually be true.  As we went to leave I couldn't help but think perhaps she was right. There were a group of what I am assuming are homeless men, they were dressed in tattered clothes hanging out around a little fire with a single man playing guitar, and I thought maybe she is onto something.  
I look over at jacque and she is looking at the same group of men. I wonder what she is thinking for a split second when she goes "he must play a pretty mean guitar for all those folks to be buzzing round'" "Really Jacque, guitar? How would you spell that?" "GET-ARE" and just when I thought she was being serious...   
 
to be continued....

A real class act..

http://abcnews.go.com/Travel/cops-woman-crashes-car-shaving-privates/story?id=10065885

Another installment of things that make me smile/laugh/giggle

back to my things that make me smile/laugh/giggle
 
Anthony from Project Runway.  Seriously...I heart him.  Maybe even kidney him.
some quotes: (surely more to come)
"The only thing that doesn't go out of style is making a woman look like a lady"
"I was so nervous I was sweating like a baptist preacher"
 
Granny in a wood paneled PT cruiser.
Me talking ghetto after teaching in an inner city school for more than a week.  It's a problem when I start saying "What-eer" and "I need to get my haar did"
My student told me he wanted to be a skeleton and his friend wanted to be a giraffe when they grew up.
It was an uncomfortable moment this week when a third grader told me he thought I was hot- inappropriate.
The fact that someone that I know got engaged at a public event (set up for a massive fundraising yard sale) in front of the dumpster.  It was really sweet in some aspects, it was March fourth and he wanted to "March forth" in their life journey and the ring was beautiful, but as for me... sporting events (or billboards at them), anywhere close to a trash recepticle, or recycling bin for that matter, and generally anywhere that I might look like crap.  Give a girl some warning- ask me when my hair is straightened and my eyeliner is in tact.  I would like the pictures and the story to be something to brag about. Perhaps just under a waterfall in hawaii or on the top of the empire state building/eiffel tower, nothing fancy. But im not picky. ;) 
peace and blessings,
C

I know...I know...I'm a bad blogger... where is the newspaper so I can pop myself on the nose?
A lot has been going on in my world, I've been a bit tied up, so to speak.  BUT...I am back.. 
So today's post is nothing special, but I have been keeping a running tally lately (in my iphone notes that I just figured out how to use) of the things that make giggle/smile. 
1. the term wasted face.  Example:  "Man, maybe we should take her margarita away, because that girl is wasted face."
2. I am a grown woman with a Kool Aid smile.
3. I actually enjoy watching the hunting/fishing channel. (what a dork!)
4. Overalls on grown folks.
5. My priest calling me today and leaving me a message saying "thanks for being you."
6. How philosophical two glasses of red wine makes me and my friend.
7. I burned my middle and pointer fingers right at the joints and it hurts to bend them so when I am driving I keep them straight and it looks like I am flipping everyone a peace sign. Everytime I look at them it makes me think of Alanis Morrisette. " I got one hand in my pocket and the other one is flipping a peace sign..."
8. my dog wearing her snuggie. 
9. flowers for my birthday.  Thanks CP!
10. my friends kidnapping me for my birthday and dancing on the sidewalk to the "mixed tape" they made me of all of my favorite songs.
11. sno-cones on a warm sunny day
12. girl scout cookies.
13. My Godson finally talking a little bit and calling me "C-Ya-Ya"

gotta love em'

The men in my family make me laugh.

I was talking to my Daddy today and was explaining to him that I have been "therapy eating" because I have a lot going on and a blizzard makes me feel better. He laughed and said "yeah I've packed on a few myself. Maybe after next week when everything settles down we can have a little weight loss competition, we can call it the biggest loser in the family." Then there was silence from both of us. "Perhaps we will rethink the name".

I got home from an exausting day and plopped myself down on Papa's bed while he is chillaxing in his recliner. We watched the HGTV home renovation program with an occasional flip back to cash cab and a payless shoes commercial came on. He looked and me and said "what in the heck's BOGO?" "Buy one get one" I said without turning my head. "Well, I'll be darned. So when they have commercials for BOGO greens fees that means..?" "Yep." I said. "Huh" he muttered and adjusted his golf cap.

My Uncle Jim has a little boat called "shallow minded" and when he "hits it big" he plans on getting a large boat and calling it "deep thinker."

So last night I woke up in the wee hours and had one thing on my mind,
"bitches be bookin." Really? I thought, is it really necessary that
I come up with a book club name now? Apparently my psyche was
bothered by our friends nameless literary league. So my sleepless
mind got to rolling like a hamster on its wheel. I started with
potential words to inspire me:
literature (literature lovers)
fiction (friends and fiction friday club)
drama (drama reading divas)
literary (the Augusta Literary League)
books (getting looks and reading books)
written word (the written word wizards)
paperback (pimpin' and paperbacks?)
hardback (hardback hotties?)
manuscript (manuscript mamas?)
journalism (journalism junkies?)
storybook (once upon a time there was a bookclub) (sugar and spice and
all that's nice storybook club)

*le Sigh*
looks like "bitches be bookin'" is still the front runner....

Tell me if I am wrong, but retail therapy helps everything.
For example:
A new bright green raincoat makes an icky rainy day much better!
A cute pair of pink gloves makes scraping ice off your windshield on a bitterly cold day bearable.
A new pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses will make the 110 degree Augusta summer a little more glamorous.
A fabulous new purse makes you not mind toting around the 30 lbs of junk that you just cannot live without.
New makeup makes for a freshfaced new you.
New tootbrush= you smile more (seriously....buy one you really like and try it, consider it a social experiment.)
New shampoo=good hair day.
New shoes....oh new shoes....new shoes cure the blues!

Do I hear a rebuttal?

Champagne Thursday is so fun!!!! ...until friday morning rolls around...

So my friend and I started drinking around dinner time because we had both had the worst day ever. We then proceeded to have a "revert back to college" night. We had ramen noodles and popcorn for dinner. We called old friends that we hadn't talked to in many moons. We even laughed at our sorority memories and our random roadtrips. We pulled out our memory boxes and looked at old greeting cards and forgotten presents. We literally laughed until we cried. We looked at eachother and had conversations with no words. "I love you more than chocolate and Godiva dipped strawberries, and that's big!" I told my Val Pal. We drank until we were silly all while watching our favorite old trusty go-to when there's nothing on television. Sex and the city, of course! Nothing like a little Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte to relax you after a bad day. We started on episode 1, season 1, so we can rewatch the entire series AGAIN. We had a revelation about satc. They weeded out the mom pants (Charlotte), and the dike look (Miranda's ties), Carrie's incessant chatter to the camera, and the horrible characters (skipper). I am so glad that skippy, as Miranda always called him, was given the axe after the third episode. If I would have had my way him and his Jerry curl would have been killed off well before the end of disk one.

C

So today I was teaching class and as I was asking the class to tell me their first names and what they want to be when they grow up. I looked down to see the tiniest little boy. He was little and cute and wore glasses. He had on air Jordons with red piping, but they were on the wrong feet. He then proceeded to tell me that his name was Richard but everyone calls him Brandon, naturally. Who wouldn't assume that? Then he told me he wanted to be a cobweb when he 'growed up.' Then he farted. Loudly.
Then as we were watching the instructional video that has a carp as the main character, he looked at me with discust and said in his most serious voice, "fish can't talk." Then he looked away for a second as if he was thinking really hard and turned back to me and said "neither can frogs."

So my uncle was telling me this story about a girl that he knows that does not ever
use the phrase "that what's she said" appropriately. I for one love this phrase and
reserve the right to use it in any context that I see needs a little extra "wha bam,"
if you will.

So here is an example of what he was talking about. Unc said to her "do you think
that we could use these files for something else or should we just toss them? Her
reply? You guessed it... "that is what she said."

He rolled his eyes and walked off only to overhear his constituent giving a little
lesson on the copier say, "but what I am saying is that you have to move it around
and push a little harder or it won't work. It's a little stubborn." my unc poked his
head in the file room and between laughs said "that's what she said." everyone
laughed of course except Dummy Mcdummerstein. She just sat there baffled by
why this 'bazinga' moment just happened.

So for those of you fools that don't understand this phrase, here's a short tutorial:
"that's what she said" #1 is a contraction. #2 is meant to be used after something
implies a non-direct sexual reference. Does that help?
C

hello my blog readers! (ok...ok...I'll call a spade a spade)...
Hello my imaginary friends!
I am back safe and sound from LA,  tired as I have EVER been in my
entire life, but safe and sound.
And for clarification I mean Hollywood, not Louisiana.
I think I need a good recap from my little excursion.  It all began on
a rainy Thursday afternoon at the Augusta Regional Airport.  We
boarded our plane on time but then got stuck sitting on the runway for
over an hour waiting for clearance because of weather which really
pissed of the angry soldier sitting beside me.  He was a loud yankee
soldier with a chip on his shoulder and some beat up aviators which he
kept taking on and off and in an out of one of his hidden cargo
pockets of his army suit.  As if being stuck on a plane with no air,
with a dead ipod, having to pee, stressing I was going to miss my
connector was not bad enough, I had to listen to him dog out the south
and the "podunk" town he was flying out of.  He yelled at the
stewardess about his bag being in the aisle, and him having to keep
his seatbelt buckled "I just don't get what the big deal is.." The
nice gentlemen sitting caddycorner to me layed his new york times in
his lap and gently told the man she was only making sure there was an
exit path if there was an emergency. "I don't need no exit path. I'm
in the army, I'll use my elbow to knock out this window." he said
poiting as if the man had no idea where the window was.  The new york
times man and I caught eachother's eye and rolled them at eachother at
the same time.  "Well y'all" the stewardess said over the loudspeaker
"i'm sorry for the delay, but this is just an act of God, we can't do
anything about it, but I will be coming by with beverages." "Just like
the damn south" the army guy shouted out "everything's is an act of
God" The new york times man wrinkled his paper loudly and I just
looked away out the window and we both breathed heavy sighs. "Beverage
for you?" the stewardess asked the new york times man.  "Do you have
mixed drinks?" he asked "OOHH me too!" I said.
So we touched down in Charlotte exactly 20 minutes before my flight
was scheduled to take off. Not board, but take off.  Long story short,
I made my coneccting flight by 1 minute, I felt the breeze of the
airplane door closing as I squeezed down the aisle. I nestled myself
in my seat behing a family with five children under six and a teen boy
that reeked of onions.  I then proceeded to sit through the worse 6
hours of turbulance ever experienced by mankind.  All I can really say
is holy turbulance, batman.  I kissed the ground when I landed at LAX.
I then spent the next two days in LA in the rain, BOO! Right after I
got there Matt took me to his favorite restaurany where we ate the
best sushi I have ever had and drank beers I had never tasted.  The
next day I visited the Chinese theatre, saw all of the famous
celebrity footprints including Carey Grant and Marilyn Monroe. I
stomped on Jay Leno's star and yelled TEAM CONAN! After that my friend
Matt and I decided perhaps we should do more inside activities since
it was cold and rainy so we went to the wax museum and the ripley's
museum and the guiness book museum.  We laughed at all of the
randomness and made fun of the bad renditions of Jim Carey and Jackie
Chan and the impressive Johnny Depp and Samuel L. Jackson. WE drove
down Rodeo drive and ate at In and out burger (shout out to Paris and
Britney...you were right!  It is AMAZING!) We then went to Universal
Studios and decided it was too cold to walk around so we went to see
Avatar in 3D/Imax.  Um... AMAZING! Seriously, so good.  I can't wait
to see it again. I can't think of a more perfect place to see a movie
that is completely changing the industry than in LA.  Seriously, think
back to the scene in Singing in the Rain when they are introducing
"talking movies" as opposed to silent films and everyone is amazed.
That is the best example I can give of how much this movie has changed
everything that we know about movies up to this point.  It is so
amazing what we can do with technology!
That night we went to Matt's local watering hole and sat and the bar.
We ordered some food and we chatting about how I liked LA.  The
conversation went something like this: Matt: "Do you think you could
ever live anywhere except for Augusta?" Me: "Um, I think I could move
out of Augusta, but I don't think the big city is really for me, maybe
somewhere like Charleston." Matt: "Where's Charleston?" Me:"South
Carolina. Next time you come to visit we are going there, it is
amazing, such history!" About that time our food came, but somehow I
ended up without silverware.  I leaned over to the folks beside me and
tapped on the shoulder saying "Excuse me, I am so sorry to bother you,
but may I borrow one of these" I asked laying my hand on a silverware
roll-up. The guy in the middle of the group leaned over to me, and
said "You may certainly have it, but you asked way too nicely. You
aren't from here, where are you from."  Matt and I laughed and I said
"no, I'm not I'm from Augusta, GA." Now way!" my new friend shouted.
"I'm Chris.  I live in Charleston, SC." he said sticking out a hand
for me to shake. Matt and I both watched our jaws hit the table.  I
leaned over and closed his mouth like in a looney toons cartoon. "You
would find the one person in the bar from the south." He said. I
laughed and said "Yep, I sure would." So me, matt, my new friend chris
and his two cousins hung out the entire night.  We swapped stories and
restaurant suggestions.  His cousin told me that one day he would be
wearing the green jacket. I made him sign and coaster and dedicate it
to me.  We laughed until we cried, then they bought all of our drinks.
After they left Matt and I gathered our stuff and began our walk home.
He pretty much stared at me until we got to his house when he said
"all of that because you asked him for his silverware." "Yes sir," I
said and smiled.
So the next day we got up and it was actually sunny! Hooray!! We went
and had breakfast and went by the bookstore because I knew I had to
have a page turner to make it through the horrendous flight I was
facing the next day (during which I somehow picked up a vogue
magazine completely written in italian).
Then we spent the next hour driving around
trying to get a good shot of the Hollywood sign. I never did get a
really quality shot, but on the plus side we did see Sylvester Stalone
drive right by us.
After that we headed over Santa Monica which is where the wedding we
were attending was to be held.  We walked all around the city, through the
shops where I splurged on a beautiful pair of Tiffany & Co. sunglasses and
ate at a sweet little outside cafe.  We walked down the Santa Monica pier,
which my heel kept getting stuck in every 5 steps so it took us forever to walk
down to the end! Once we finally managed to walk to the end point we sat on
a bench and silently admired the beach and were lulled by the waves
crashing against the supporting beams.  The only noise heard from us for the
next 20 minutes was the occasional sigh...
After our relaxing time on the peir we headed back to the bustling
downtown part
of Santa Monica where there are street performers and muscians singing and
dancing.  Literally everyone in LA is an aspiring entertainer or
actor...it's insane!
But my favorite one of all was a man with an old school organ grinder
and a monkey,
and for $1 the monkey would shake your hand.  Me, being the small
child that I am
at heart, was more excited to shake this little monkey's hand, who btw
was dressed
like a cowboy, than anything else the entire trip!
Matt and I then ventured back to our hotel and we got ready for the wedding
we were attending. The wedding was lovely.  The cake, the placecards, the table
setting, the food, the dress, the ceremony... It was all beautiful!
It was a traditional
Jewish ceremony which I was entralled by since I have never attended one.
I loved every minute of my time in California with Matt, but I have have to
admit...Dorothy was really on to something because "there is no place
like home!"

Thought provoking

I was reading an article about Maya Angelou. In her interview she said something that was so heartbreaking to me that I don't think I can ever forget it. She said that as a seven year old girl growing up in Georgia she experienced a terrible tradgedy, she was raped. She returned home and told her family who turned the criminal into the police. The man spent one night in jail and was released. The next day, after his release the police came to her house and knocked on the door to tell tell both she and her family that he had been killed. After that Maya, a 7 year old girl, was so stunned and upset by the news that she did not speak for years admitting later that this was because she beleived that just her words could kill someone.

 
My hairdryer died this morning and my hair looks like i belong in "pretty in pink" seriously...its bad. 
 
realizations I came to this morning:
i hate waking up late, but can't seem to roll my self out of bed early
I need more to go coffee mugs. 
I love morning foods/liquids: milk, coffee, OJ, eggs, french toast. mmm...
My dog is the cutest right when I am about to walk out the door.  She looks at me with the "please don't leave me mommy, can I come?" look and I have to reach down and pet her one more time.
Mornings are better when you won a tennis match the night before. 
I love having painted nails and toes.   
Wet hair on a morning in the 30s helps the body require less coffee..
I wish I had seat warmers.
I actually enjoy riding to work in silence.
I am pretty excited about dogsitting these four very random dogs that I am taking care of this week. They have so much personality~ blog/pictures to follow.
I miss my friends sooooo much even though it has only been one weekend since I have seen them. 
I want sushi for dinner.
Excessive cursing is very unattractive. I will refrain unless I am stressing something such as my hair looks like sh*t. Seriously, it really does...

It was getting way too solemn around my office. Everyone was taking eveything way too seriously, I couldnt handle it. So I took my sugar free oreo cookie (my adults inner child cookie... Responsible, yet delicious) crunched it up and stuck it to the front of my chompers. I walked into the conference room and smiled asking my boss and co worker if I had anything in my teeth. We then proceeded to laugh until we almost wet our pants. I then subsequently apologized to my boss  for tricking her into hiring a four year old. What can I say... My stomach hurts from laughing and I still have milks favorite cookie stuck between my canines, but everyone in my office is lightened up.

C

A little catching up for me to do today-
#1- Do Not see the movie Leap Year. Even at the dollar theatre or on
netflix.  unless you are really bored or planning a trip to Ireland
and would like to see the landscape.  That was all it was good for, even when prefaced with a couples of pitchers of beer with my girls.
#2- fabulous lingerie= a new confident you.  I went to a fancy little
lingerie shop in surrey center (shout out to a Soft Touch) and got
fitted for new brazzieres.  Listen girls-  if you have never been
fitted for lingerie go do it-  it will change your life.  So my
"undergarment consultant" as i have deemed my new friend, hooked me
up.  I ended up with 4 sets, an everyday, a satin pj set and a couple
of boy shorts.  These things fit me that like they we were made for
me.  Seriously. Another shout out to belgium. Yall know how to fit a
womans body.
#3- the laughing cow light creamy swiss cubes are delicious.
Seriously delicious and they are 5 for 35 (calories). I didn't even
know I liked swiss cheese until I ate these, but spread it on a
triscuit and you've got yourself a guilt free snack.
#4- I am leaving for LA on thursday. I can't wait to see the city,
but mostly my friend Matt. I'll check out whats happening with the
kardashians and report back asap.
love you,
C

Have you seen Heidi montag recently? She apparently has an
"obsession with plastic surgery" give it up girl... The double d's
and Michael Jackson nose aren't working for ya...

No store sunday

Let me tell you a lesson I learned this weekend...  So, I am a SWF and proud of it. Usually it does not bother me in the slightest; I wash my car alone, I go to the coffeeshop alone, I even browse williams sonoma cookbook section alone.  I truly enjoy doing these things by myself, no one tells me to hurry up, or come along, or drags me to the nearest Bass Pro Shop. While I am shopping for whatever my whims may lead me to I don't feel lonely, I feel content.  Well....NEVER go grocery shopping on a sunday afternoon...this will all change. 

So this past sunday afternoon I went to the grocery store for my grandparents to replace the usual wal-mart trip that Papa hasn't felt up to lately.  So me and my mile long grandpa list head to the grocery sto' in my tennis clothes.  As soon as I get out of the car I realize this was a bad idea. Every person walking into the store is wearing their sunday best, so now I am the heathen girl who didn't attend sunday service and is there by her lonesome. I hold my head high, grab myself a cart and take off towards produce.  Mark my words, from produce through frozen foods I did not see a one person shopping alone.  I have never felt more lonely EVER.  As I rounded the last of the aisles, Pepto Maxx teetering atop the mound of groceries I have collected for Nana and Papa in the hope that I do not have to return the next week, the feelings come seeping up, a deep lonely sadness.  The last straw was when the couple, complete with tie and red peacoat, had a moment of butt slapping eachother in the checkout.   "Why?"  my heart said, "why haven't I found that?"  I shake my head and send those thoughts back to my heart and out of my head. I complete my transaction, push my cart, bum wheel and all, and fill the back of my jeep with the contents.  I drive to Nana and Papas and begin unloading; As soon as the last kroger sack hits the kitchen table the tears start.  The hot burning questioning tears of lonliness, the kind of tears that I have not had in many many moons.  My nana just hugged me and told me that the plan that God has in store for me is not on the same timeline that I see. I heard her, and I know that, but I cannot make my heart listen. So I let the tears flow, I let them flow for me and for anyone else that may feel the same way.  I let them flow for hurt and anger and fears that I have.  I let the tears heal, I let the tears serve their purpose. 
I know this isn't the usual blog that I write, but this is real.  This is what lifetime movies are made of my friend,  "Lonely girl cries grocery store tears."  Watch out ladies- script is on its way.  In the meantime I am avoiding the sunday grocery store crowd like the bubonic plague.  I am going on friday night with the rest of the single folks buying steaks and beer to grill out with their friends.   Forget you church crowd, have fun shopping on no wine sunday. 
much love and a few stupid tears,
Ceciliawho.

if you were an animal what kind would you be and why?

As you well know if you have read any part of this blog (not that I think anyone does but...) you know that I am random. So I had a couple thoughts today. #1- if you were an animal what would you be? #2-I really want to go to the zoo.

I thought of a few for me, but they didn't stick... penguin? nah...I don't like the cold or swimming particularly, and their little house always smells like poo. Flamingo? nope- they are pretty from far away, but then you get up close and they are a horrendous shade of pink, smell kinda fishy and are only as stable as the one leg they have to stand one. Definitely not me. I gave up on myself, but started placing an animal with the characteristics of my friends...
Reb- The Elephant. always in the know, content with life, great memory, always at the front of the zoo, always has the best shows (events) and has a great memory and likes peanuts.
Jack- laughing hyena. Why you ask? because they are eternally happy, have a mischievous spirit, and are cute as they can be. Just the kind of animal you would figure to talk you into shotgunning a beer and going skinny dippin' in the ocean. Plus I can guarantee jack likes this animal because the beginning of the word reminds her of the word hymen.
val- the giraffe. just the kind of animal that would go straight for chanel if it escaped from the zoo. plus she's got all the height in the group.
LA- peacock. She is beautiful and has no idea because she doesn't see what others see, her lovely feathers behind her. She has the most lovely of dimeanors and is one of the only animals allowed to walk amongst the humans in the zoo. And let's face facts, this sista loves to 'shake her tail feather.'
mandi- an otter. It is tiny and friendly and entertaining and has no natural predators. It has a fun interactive show that everyone stops by to watch...(aka thetightropewalk.blogspot.com)
jennB- a parrot. a chatty little bird that makes friends easily, and can keep ya entertained for hours on end. Plus this little birdie knows how to accessorize and use color to their advantage.
annie pants- a zebra. cuz its a fancy horse. bam.

So Lately I have been trying to be a good girl and eat less crap and eat more veggies and fruit.  I decided not to go with a "new years resolution" because then I end up blowing it totally, feeling guilty for not following through, and end up throwing my food conscience to the alligators.  We all know how this story ends, no thinner than I started and completely unmotivated.  So I simply decided that I would eat healthier (after the holidays of course) because no self-respecting southerner would overlook sweet potato pie and nana's stuffing. 
Let me tell you about a tiny friend of mine, thetightropewalk.blogspot.com.  She literally weighs 95 lbs. soaking wet.  She is so stinking tiny and precious; I could just put her in my pocket and take her places with me.  She also has willpower like I have never seen. The girl only eats carbs and sugar ONE TIME A MONTH.  Are you kidding me?  Yeah...I do that too, once a year...it's called Lent.  
So until the day that I can be strong like that I will have to settle on finding recipes that are more low-cal but satisfy my cravings and substituting my burgers for salads.  
Amazingly enough, butter queen Paula Deen taught me this one yesterday and I tried it out.  I have to admit...It it is not entirely terrible and it satisified my tastebuds that were dying for a dessert.
Sugar free Magical Peanut butter cookies:
1 cup peanut butter
1 cup splenda
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 egg
mix well.
roll into balls on wax paper covered cookie sheet
make fork crosses on tops (dip fork in splenda to prevent sticking)
bake at 350 degrees for 12 minutes.
 
try em' out.  I think your thighs might thank me.
peanut butter smooches!
CK  

I went to the store to get groceries for dinner. I went with the intention of having fish, but salmon was more expensive than steak. It looks like happy Wednesday to me with a fancy steak dinner. Catch ya later guys, gonna go tackle my t-bone. As Paula Deen would say "Love and best dishes from my kitchen to yours."
muah!
C

At my office there is a little candy jar that our staff has come to know and love. It is a quaint little box with a distinctive characteristic. It is shaped like a church, steeple and all. The church doesn't always have sweet treats in it, (who could keep it full of chocolate with 6 women around all the time?)

I do have to admit that it makes for a happy day when someone brings in their extra Christmas candy and our secretary sends out a collective email telling us that "there's chocolate in the church." Personally I can't help but snicker at the irony of someone sending a reply all email stating "Thank God" in response. May everyone have chocolate in their church and enjoy the New Year!
love and chocolate,
Ceciliawho.

anchors aweigh.

So today my mind is somewhere else, somewhere even more south than Augusta, GA. My mind is in "Jack"son'ville, FL. I abbreviate the town as such because my friend "jack" as I call her, or Jacque as everyone else does, and her dog Jackson live there. How appropriate that they would live there, in their own namesake, but they didn't always.
Let me begin this story at the beginning, always a good place to start. Jack and I went to college together and after graduation lived together for about 3 years, then she met Chris. They had a whirlwind romance, they met, they fell in love, they married, all within 12 months. She came home after her first date with a big smile on her face. "Tell me about it!" I said. "Oh he is such a sweetie, he is handsome, he opened my car door, he brought me flowers and tells me I'm beautiful.." "AWW! He is a keeper." I gushed. "There is only one thing" Jack said with a raised eyebrow. "What's that?" I asked. "He has decided to join the navy...he wants to Surf." Jack said. "Surf? Are you sure? Why doesn't he just move to California?" I inquired. "I don't know. He said he really likes the lifestyle and believes in the mission." "Jack- are you sure he said Surf?" "Yep" she said sighing a little. "Ok then..." I said puzzled.
Their second date came and went and she walks back in the house, plops on the couch beside me, pours herself a double tequila shot, looks at me and says... "Yeah...I asked him why he didn't just move to CA....he explained to me that he wants to SERVE." We had a good laugh and the next thing I knew he was sending me a text message asking if he could hide the ring in my room so she couldn't find it. Now they have been married and living in Jacksonville for almost a year and a half. My, My, how time flies...
But today is one of those days that isn't as fun and spontaneous and finding your soulmate and moving to a warm sunny beach. It is the day that every wife and loved one of a military officer dreads. The day they ship out. Jack and her pup will be left behind not knowing where their beloved is or if he is safe and secure. How often do we take for granted the fact that we can pick up a phone and call our loved ones; hear their voices, if only for a moment, to ease our minds of worry. My heart goes out to Jack and all the loved ones of our military.
God Bless you Chris, and may he keep you safe. Thank you for your service to our country, we are indebted to you. I hope that you know how much we admire you and your bravery. I hope during your deployment and travels you get some time to surf.
God Bless you Jack, and may he keep you strong. You must never feel lonely, your friends are always here.